#1
This is a song about how some things just fall apart whether you like it or not.

Leave a link and i'll crit one of yours

Enjoy.


I can’t wait for you
Time will only split us
What was once so strong
Is now so weak

I tried to make this real
But its something you can’t give
If I could find a way
I’d be gone

But I can’t stay
Time has gone

Now I realise
It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in our mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay

Don’t think this was easy
Cos It’s never been so hard
What we once started has to end

We ran before we could walk
And now we’re stuck
Its time you left

Now I know
You’re never coming home
Can you expect me to lead this life

It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in your mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay


I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready to let this go
Gear List

Guitars
PRS SE Tremonti
Ltd Mh-100qmnt
Peavey Rotor ex
Crafter Acoustic

Amps
Bugera 333
Bugera 412h

Effects
Marshall Shredmaster
Line 6 MM4
Line 6 DL4
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Dan Electro Fish'n'chips
Ibanez LU-10
#2
Quote by Gwynnell
This is a song about how some things just fall apart whether you like it or not.

Leave a link and i'll crit one of yours

Enjoy.


I can’t wait for you
Time will only split us
What was once so strong
Is now so weak
no really rhyme here yet, you dont have to rhyme, but you should look into similar syllable counts, it could make it have a better rhythm, typical story, waiting for a distant love, love fading, always fertile soil.

I tried to make this real
But its something you can’t give
If I could find a way
I’d be gone
i like this whole stanza, its really goes with the main idea that you lead in with the first one, once again no clear rhyme, but you dont really need that.

But I can’t stay
Time has gone
pre-chorus? maybe use a different word than gone, its getting a little redundant

Now I realise
It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in our mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay
(its "'cause" by the way) good again goes good, putting the story to good use, realizing it wasnt really love orr whatever, no clear rhyme still.

Don’t think this was easy
Cos It’s never been so hard
What we once started has to end
good points, its hard to do, i like the contrast of the two words.

We ran before we could walk
And now we’re stuck
Its time you left
first line is a little cliche, but it has a good meaning to it, you could use a different first line though

Now I know
You’re never coming home
Can you expect me to lead this life
good thoughts in this part, clearly stated

It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in your mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay
strong chorus, as usual, same as first one

I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready to let this go
good i really like the ending, its a good strong ending, it changes your thought processes of the entire song, puts a twist ending to it.

overall i thought it was good, fix a few things, like your switching of 4 line stanzas to 3 line stanza, but i can over look that if it fits in with the music.

my song? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=856571
#3
Quote by Gwynnell
This is a song about how some things just fall apart whether you like it or not.

Leave a link and i'll crit one of yours

Enjoy.


I can’t wait for you
Time will only split us
What was once so strong
Is now so weak
i like this stanza its put together well good choice of words.


I tried to make this real
But its something you can’t give
If I could find a way
I’d be gone
a little weaker than the first part but decent.


But I can’t stay
Time has gone

Now I realise
It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in our mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay
this is a great part very strong feeling here

Don’t think this was easy
Cos It’s never been so hard
What we once started has to end
again, this is a good choice of words but you spelled 'cause wrong

We ran before we could walk
And now we’re stuck
Its time you left
not crazy about the frist line

Now I know
You’re never coming home
Can you expect me to lead this life
the first 2 lines are good the last one seems to kill it though...

It never began
Everything we felt
It wasn’t true
A black-hole in your mind
Now this has to end
Cos theres nothing here to make you stay


I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not ready to let this go
Great ending

good peice.

EDIT: didn't see that this thread was reported sorry
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