#1
clusters of white
beautiful acres of green
petals fly through tests of scent.
yellow is just a colour,
filtered through a glasseye kissing the warm concrete.
heat seeps through weaves of fabric,
simmering blood,
sweat.

throw your body in sand,
join millions others in scraped red.
stir yr skin in benevolence,
dry landscapes, a voyeur fed.
turn pages of inspiration,
scattered eyes, all placid.
cut the nerve line and push the ground down.
young minds ripen.
lesson learned as a table centerpiece,
a cruelly played-out puppet,
a careless betray.

hear last whispers,
a hankerchief in the hand of a loved one,
a closeness brought in a static beat,
Summer hospital rhythm.

non-truth, spread through soaped mouths
stories thrown down, like an anchor
on the shoulders of "young adults".
opportunity and potential through the lens of ridicule and fear.
overheading faces,
throw salt into the wound of new living.

maybe one day,
the yellow dot will shine brighter,
and cold memories will touch the ground and melt.


a poem that signifies all the summers in my life, if you want anything explained then you can ask if you want. i'm proud of this, it's my favourite piece of writing so far, c4c.
"i'd give my soul to be where i was a year ago... if i had a soul left to give"
#2
thanks.


"i'd give my soul to be where i was a year ago... if i had a soul left to give"
#3
Very good, well written song. I liked your use of vocabulary.
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#5
It made me feel like i was drowning in a sea of cold lava and hot snow...
Great work
Please chek my two songs,Noone can tell you and Spent. Front page
#6
Pretty good mate. But to be perfectly honest, I got about half way through and had to start over because my mind was wondering. It was good, just not as captivating as I would have hoped. I hope that makes sense.

You're writing was great, the ideas just weren't spellbinding.
#7
I agree 100% with Zach

I disliked alot of your syntax, though. Threw me a bit. Lacked a little cohesion in the grand scheme of things.

But, yeah. I'm with zC.
#8
yes, this is quite superb...it was becoming a little 'laundry listy' towards the middle and was kind of irritating me, but then when you explained that this a series of summers you have had in the past, then it just really clicked for me as a excellent piece. Summer is one of those times that no matter if you are young or old, smart or dumb, you are going to have experiences worth writing about. And this is case and point.