#1
Ancient caravan
Rides through dusty haze
Stinging sight of sun
Sets our skin ablaze

Forsaken cities lie ahead
Awaiting for our words to shed
Forsaken cities lie ahead
An old beggar man sighs of dread

Traveling along seas of sand
Endless waves that never seem to end

Forsaken cities lie ahead
Awaiting for our words to shed
Forsaken cities lie ahead
All the towns people now lay dead
#2
Very good. Although there are a couple nicks in the rhyming scheme.

Traveling along seas of sand
Endless waves that never seem to end


Sand and end don't rhyme. Try to add another line that ends in a word that rhymes with sand. Other than that, pretty good.
#4
Planet Caravan influence?

By the way, I liked it...notably in a Planet Caravan feel when I read it.
#5
Quote by DeathBySpoon
Well I didn't plan on those liens rhyming. I also envision this being a sabbath-esque type doom song.


Oh I see it now. It's kind of hard to read other people lyrics because I hear it like whatever song is on my mind at the moment.
#6
Quite good. though instead of a Sabbath style song it reminded me of Door's songs.
i think it is very important to keep in mind the readers first impression of what music may fit the song... after all we'll be your future audience...
Please check my song Spent on the first page