#1
Please note that this is all unedited so far....I just wanted to get some insight...please give any comments and or advice

Over

Verse 1:
Where did this all go wrong
And what do you have to say
What did I mean to you
You're always gone when I need you

Chorus:
I guess this is as far as we go
Its finally over
im finally over you
I know that this is gonna be hard
but its for the best
the best to get over you

Verse 2:
This is gonna have to end
cause its impossible
to be just friends

Please dont say goodbye
it'll be to hard
Just forget about me

bridge:
dont tell me whatever is on your mind
I tried everything to get on your side
Please listten to what I have to say
Please forgive me but this is truly the end
#3
Quote by aaronjk0406

Verse 1:
Where did this all go wrong
And what do you have to say
What did I mean to you
You're always gone when I need you
"You" and "you" shouldn't be rhymed unless you need to.. Try to switch up "What did I mean to you," as I like the fourth line.

Chorus:
I guess this is as far as we go
using "I guess" in songs always makes me feel as though the writer is immature, not to be rude. try to switch it up.
Its finally over
im finally over you
You repeat yourself here, sort of. Switch up the second line.
I know that this is gonna be hard
but its for the best
the best to get over you

If this is a pop punk song, which it seems like it is (not to be offensive), you're going to want/need a really strong hook in the chorus and to be honest, the current one just isn't cutting it.

Verse 2:
This is gonna have to end
cause its impossible
to be just friends

Please dont say goodbye
it'll be to hard
Just forget about me

I misinterpreted this at first. I thought you meant just "don't say goodbye," as in don't leave. Try to make this a little more clear if you can for stupid people such as myself.

bridge:
dont tell me whatever is on your mind
I tried everything to get on your side
Please listten to what I have to say
Please forgive me but this is truly the end
Take out "please" on the last line. Otherwise, a nice bridge.


This isn't a bad piece. There's nothing really WRONG with it, but it doesn't really excel anywhere. I think that's why you aren't getting any crits.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.