#1
You Said Hello,
And I said hi back
If only I knew,
From there it turned black

Things were going good
You said that you liked me
Was this a joke
Was this to spite me?

I really believed you
You got me so easy
I guess it’s my fault
As if you would like me

But it’s over now
All I’ve got is my memory
And I sit and hope
That I wasn’t that easy,
That I won’t be that easy

I’ve got one thing to say
If this was all a lie
Then how come you held me
Why did you try?


This is the first song i've ever written. It's pretty bad but it means something to me.
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#3
I thought it was good 8/10 the 4th Stanza is a bit too long though, other that that it's fine.
Free Beer?

webbtje
When im home alone i like to strip to me undies and rock out really loud and dance and headbang and just get into it.. in fact, i am right now.. btw im like 16. And i do it in drop d, which makes it even dirtier.
#4
You actually thought it was ok? Wow i thought it was bad... . I suppose i had some good inspiration though.

Thanks for the compliments .
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#8
Quote by KenMasters
I liked the other one you posted a lot more...


Yeah the other one was better. But this was the first song i've ever written so don't take it too seriously.
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#9
Of course it was better, mind checkin my new one, Noone can tell you, front page
#10
Quote by Empty_Bullet
You Said Hello,
And I said hi back
If only I knew,
From there it turned black
good, it gives us a backround for the rest of poem/song 8/10

Things were going good
You said that you liked me
Was this a joke
Was this to spite me?
you repeated me to rhyme which is generally a no-no btu the way you used was cool 7/10 good choice of words here to BTW

I really believed you
You got me so easy
I guess it’s my fault
As if you would like me
(nothing special here) 6/10

But it’s over now
All I’ve got is my memory
And I sit and hope
That I wasn’t that easy,
That I won’t be that easy
good use of repition 8/10

I’ve got one thing to say
If this was all a lie
Then how come you held me
Why did you try?
a good ending and summary of your song 8/10
This is the first song i've ever written. It's pretty bad but it means something to me.


pretty good for your first one. keep practicing.
Quote by Eliyahu
Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

Quote by TheReverend724
Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

Quote by thanksgiving

"Oh Mr.Cuddles, you make my pants go boom boom. I are horny. Do not disappoint I"


Viscara (my band)