#1


she brought a drawing round to my house
it was good –
it looked quite like me.
said she wanted me to keep it
but i told her i’d take a print
and she took it home again.
she must have put it up in her room
or somewhere close
stared at it every day
until the time i stepped out of the frame
held her tight
said i’d never leave her.
damn.
i was at home
sat on my bed sucking at a beer
waiting for something to happen
and when it did
it was my woman ringing
to say she was leaving me
for a better version of myself,
in two dimensions
she said that this one didn’t have the hang ups
the put downs
the self destruction.
i was mad –
two dimensions?
flat little fucker
didn’t deserve her
so i finished my beer
went out to my old beat up ford and
gunned the throttle
roared off to her place
banged on the door until she answered
afraid and embarrassed -
the neighbours were watching
curtain twitching hawks
circling
i didn’t care.
barged my way through
down the hall
found him stretched out on her bed
with a coffee and a book –
something i’d never have read.
she’d drawn him strong but
he didn’t have the depth
folded up when i caught him once in the gut
then once again in the head
i guess he wasn’t expecting himself.
me.
what a fucking scene.
he was out cold but i was still angry as sin
started ripping and shredding
paper in the air
on the bed
like feathers from a pillow
and then i was laughing
collecting little piles
and throwing them in the fire
found the picture frame
and threw that in too
just for good measure
it was a surreal Christmas day
with all the snow catching fire
burning up
twisting into blackened little shapes
i kept thinking:
this used to be me
but that just made me laugh harder.

i wandered away from the inevitable tears
still happy
such a release
she didn’t see it that way.
but i told her that if she ever drew another one
i’d keep the damn thing
instead of having to prove
that my dimensions are better.





love is a dog from hell.



#3
I think you like both James and woody Allen
It is good, it has the story telling way of James and the humour of Woody

Mine's called Spent, front page
#5
Well Chris, that was a cool piece.

I'll try and get back to it in full.

For now, the last line is making me laugh and sigh.
#6
Quote by Jammydude44

For now, the last line is making me laugh and sigh.



How so?




love is a dog from hell.



#7
well, not sigh exactly, more like one interpretation was of you struggling to be a better guy.

The other was boasting about the size of your prick.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 12, 2008,
#8
wow dude, that was awesome. good job wrapping the "dimensions" reference in the beginning to the closing line too. great writing, as expected.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#9
First of all, I love this. I just want to get that out of the way.

I love how you've represented lovers high expectations. The delusion that we all must live up to in other peoples minds. I think what your saying when the guy rejected the picture in the beginning, and then later said that he would take any future paintings she gave him, is that he thought he should have tried to live up to the expectations more instead of just drinking beer on the couch at his house. Usually people will say that you should be yourself but, I can feel what this guy is feeling when he says that next time he'll except the picture. You really feel his bitterness at this girls high expectations. He's torn between his love for this girl and the price of fitting her image of him that he has to pay to be with her.

You really brought this concept to the reader with an artful tact. Bravo good sir!

In closing, this guy really needs a more down to earth girl and a therapist. Only kidding. I really love this peace. Discord is very entertaining to watch but not fun to feel.
Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day.
Catch a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Last edited by J3lademaster at May 12, 2008,
#10
awsome, alot of cool things in there, i liked the way you said this

the neighbours were watching
curtain twitching hawks
circling

it was such a cool way to descibe. i enjoyed that peice and thought it was a very cool way to say what you said. (sorry if that didn't make any sense.)

i liked the whole thing. and the idea of using pictures as her "standard" for lack of a better word.

if you ever have the time could you read one of mine?
poem?
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Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

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Viscara (my band)
#11

Some interesting things that some of you have read into this. I'd guess that most of them were only included subconsciously though.




love is a dog from hell.