#1
hey, everybody, just wrote this a few minutes ago, wrote in like 10 minutes so dont be too harsh with the crits...this is C4C So crit mine and ill gladly crit yours
[verse 1]
Hatred, Is Joy
Ripped, And Burned
Release My Anger
In A Bag

You, Hate me
I,Need you
life's So Simple
Yet, It all is unglued
[End Of Verse 1]

[Pre-Chorus]
Faked,Feelings
Plunge
Mistaken,Feelings
Sink
[End Of Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]
Black And White!
Life, Is Black!
I love You!
You Hate Me Too!
Its All Unglued!
Elmer's Wont hold!
Let Me Drown!
For You
Let Me Die
For You
Take A Bullet
For You
Glue Wont Hold!
Hate Will!
Its All Unglued,
Hated Back Together
[End Chorus]

[Verse 2]
Love Me Again
Its Fun To Pretend
Play Games With My Head
Until I Surrend
Take Leave Of Me
Head No Warning
I Love You
Life Is Boring
Fake Me!
Play With Me!
Take Me!
Hate With Me!
[End Of Verse 2]
#2
Quote by MetalmanOfDecen
hey, everybody, just wrote this a few minutes ago, wrote in like 10 minutes so dont be too harsh with the crits...this is C4C So crit mine and ill gladly crit yours
[verse 1]
Hatred, Is Joy
Ripped, And Burned
Release My Anger
In A Bag


You, Hate me
I,Need you
life's So Simple
Yet, It all is unglued
[End Of Verse 1]
this gives you a good idea of what songs about so we are already off to a okay start.

[Pre-Chorus]
Faked,Feelings
Plunge
Mistaken,Feelings
Sink
[End Of Pre-Chorus]
nothing great here, it just doesn't do it for me...


[Chorus]
Black And White!
Life, Is Black!
I love You!
You Hate Me Too!
Its All Unglued!
Elmer's Wont hold!
Let Me Drown!
For You
Let Me Die
For You
Take A Bullet
For You
Glue Wont Hold!
Hate Will!
Its All Unglued,
Hated Back Together
[End Chorus]
sounds very angry now not a bad thing to get your point across

[Verse 2]
Love Me Again
Its Fun To Pretend
Play Games With My Head
Until I Surrend
Take Leave Of Me
Head No Warning
I Love You
Life Is Boring
Fake Me!
Play With Me!
Take Me!
Hate With Me!
[End Of Verse 2]
Very good ending


not a bad writing in general. although it was very cliche
if you wanna crit mine its on front page still.
Quote by Eliyahu
Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

Quote by TheReverend724
Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

Quote by thanksgiving

"Oh Mr.Cuddles, you make my pants go boom boom. I are horny. Do not disappoint I"


Viscara (my band)
Last edited by Mr.Cuddles at May 11, 2008,
#3
I think it was tretty angry... reminded me of the song Break me. i dont remember the band.
Iwouldn't she it as a metal song though... more like a punkish alternative song, liquido style

Mine is called Spent, front page
#4
Quote by MetalmanOfDecen
hey, everybody, just wrote this a few minutes ago, wrote in like 10 minutes so dont be too harsh with the crits...this is C4C So crit mine and ill gladly crit yours
[verse 1]
Hatred, Is Joy
Ripped, And Burned
Release My Anger
In A Bag
I don't like the ''In a bag'' bit. Maybe change it to something like ''Slowly, with care'' or ''Let it go''

You, Hate me
I,Need you
life's So Simple
Yet, It all is unglued
[End Of Verse 1]
Maybe change ''is unglued'' to ''all falls apart''


[Pre-Chorus]
Faked,Feelings
Plunge
Mistaken,Feelings
Sink
[End Of Pre-Chorus]
Nice but personally i'd change ''Sink'' to ''Drown'', adds more effect.

[Chorus]
Black And White!
Life, Is Black!
I love You!
You Hate Me Too!
Its All Unglued!
Elmer's Wont hold!
Let Me Drown!
For You
Let Me Die
For You
Take A Bullet
For You
Glue Wont Hold!
Hate Will!
Its All Unglued,
Hated Back Together
[End Chorus]
I don't like the flow of this, maybe try to rhyme some of it, but apart from that, good.

[Verse 2]
Love Me Again
Its Fun To Pretend
Play Games With My Head
Until I Surrend
Take Leave Of Me
Head No Warning
I Love You
Life Is Boring
Fake Me!
Play With Me!
Take Me!
Hate With Me!
[End Of Verse 2]
I like this bit, very good .


Good song man .
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#5
Quote by nightraven
i thought this was mediocre at best. you'd just strung the bones of clichés together in a long rant and called it a song. i couldn't find any sentences in this, let alone space for a melody to accompany it.

sorry about the harshness,
nick from chat.


Agreed. Definately shows you only put 10 minutes thought into it.
#6
Good song, a little weird...
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...
#7
i guess this is quite good, i think you need the words to flow in some places like make some sentences just to breakup the song otherwise its quite repetitive. Keep at it though it can be a good song
The Merchant Of the Resident Evil Club
]

Quote by hminh87
What is that big hole at the neck joint for?


Quote by Hoodoo Child
the neck?
#8
ok.. i just read your crit. on my bandsuks 15's 4 roses. and it sucked. if your gonna crit liek that dont bother. your jsut flooding the forum with ****ty crits. and thats spamming
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")