#1
This is a song i wrote about 3 years ago. we play it with my band. i think it is one of my best songs...

So you want worldwide peace
did you ever think of this?
have you ever questioned your mind?

Do you think that you can
just think of a new begin,
just break your parents' bind?

And you want worldwide love
Someone asked what you're thinkin of,
no one asked what you'd say

And you want to be one,
with the sea and the sun
and you wanna have a happy day

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin

So you say you're a swan
fly as high as you can
fly high with the wings of freedom

You've already been awake
in this world for my shake
you have passed to the sorrow kingdom

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin


It includes guitar, piano and a harmonica solo part
Last edited by KenMasters at May 12, 2008,
#3
Quote by KenMasters
This is a song i wrote about 3 years ago. we play it with my band. i think it is one of my best songs...

So you want worldwide peace
did you ever think of this?
have you ever questioned logic?

Do you think that you can
just think of a fresh start
just break free

And you want worldwide love
Someone asked what you're thinkin of,
no one asked what you meant

And you want to be one,
with the see and the sun
and you want a good life

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin
I really like this bit

So you say you're a dove
fly as high as you can
fly as fast as you can,
away


You've already been awake
in this world for my shake
you have passed to the sorrow kingdom
i don't like that second line

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin


It includes guitar, piano and a harmonica solo part


Good, well written song. But a few minor adjustments are needed.
Party
Pants
In
My
Come
Wanna
You?


Quote by M.B.MetalTabber
clothes, you don't want as much detail as emptybullet gave you now, do you?
#5
So you want worldwide peace
did you ever think of this?
have you ever questioned your mind?
The basic premise of this is good,
but the wording is clumsy.


Do you think that you can
just think of a new begin,
just break your parents' bind?
you can't use begin as a noun
and bind doesn't really fit either.
you're using it in place of hold or grip
but no one uses it that way.


And you want worldwide love
Someone asked what you're thinkin of,
no one asked what you'd say

And you want to be one,
with the see and the sun *sea
and you wnna have a happy day *wanna or want to

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin

So you say you're a swan
fly as high as you can
fly high with the wings of freedom

You've already been awake
in this world for my shake
i have no clue what that means.
you have passed to the sorrow kingdom

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin


the only thing holding this together is the rhyme.
the central theme is only hinted at
by partial thoughts that aren't completed.
the pieces don't work as one
to tell a story
or deliver a message.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#6
I think it's vague... But that is how it's meant to be, is the impression I'm getting. These are good lyrics, I think some of the transitions can go smoother, however.

You've already been awake
in this world for my shake [Is this meant to be 'sake'? If not it should be]
you have passed to the sorrow kingdom

The verse above is my favorite verse. <3

I think that the first and third verse should exchange places, like this:

And you want worldwide love
Someone asked what you're thinkin of,
no one asked what you'd say

Do you think that you can
just think of a new begin,
just break your parents' bind?

So you want worldwide peace
did you ever think of this?
have you ever questioned your mind?

And you want to be one,
with the sea and the sun
and you wanna have a happy day

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin

So you say you're a swan
fly as high as you can
fly high with the wings of freedom

You've already been awake
in this world for my shake
you have passed to the sorrow kingdom

No one can tell you that you're exaggeratin
No one can tell you that your dreams are fadin

I am, I am, I am.