#1
The pills were popped,
And my problems were dropped,
But it came back and bit me,
Then my life became ****ty

These addictions are tearing us apart,
Even though they were small at the start,
But like a snowball they got bigger,
Going round n' round
They are the chains of which my hands are bound,

They took away the pain of being used,
When I was just confused
My tears turned to cigarette butts,
My pain turned to to empty bags,
And my heart left trails of white

The shards of bottles tossed,
Were what I was forced to walk across

These addictions are ripping us apart,
Although they were small at the very start
By my snowball of sorrow went round' round,
And became the chains of which my hands are bound
My dreams went down
As my veins were pumped
Then I lost you
And the flames went up

You were scared,
I was scarred
You there,
I was not
And your love,
I just shoved
You were there,
I was not,
You were there,
I was not
I was not
I was not
I was not

I took that needle,
I took those drugs,
I took that bottle,
And drank it full throttle,
I could've stopped there,
But I was too selfish,
I should've just left it,
ALONE!

These addictions are tearing us apart,
They were just small ones at the start,
But snowball it was and went round n' round,
Then became the ball and chain that I am bound,

I had your love, (You were there)
I should've treated it,
Like a dove (I was not)
But instead I cut it, ( You were there)
I shred it, I stabbed it, I fought it, (I was not)
You were there...
I was not!
#3
Quote by AnarchoFarko
The pills were popped,
And my problems were dropped,
But it came back and bit me,
Then my life became ****ty
the rhyming is mediocer here 6/10

These addictions are tearing us apart,
Even though they were small at the start,
But like a snowball they got bigger,
Going round n' round
They are the chains of which my hands are bound,
this is good but to wordy, try it without the underlined words an i think it will be great (8/10)

They took away the pain of being used,
When I was just confused
My tears turned to cigarette butts,
My pain turned to to empty bags,
And my heart left trails of white
a good stanza 7/10

The shards of bottles tossed,
Were what I was forced to walk across
good way to reinforce your' statement8/10

These addictions are ripping us apart,
Although they were small at the very start
By my snowball of sorrow went round' round,
And became the chains of which my hands are bound
My dreams went down
As my veins were pumped
Then I lost you
And the flames went up
again good but the underline part is slowing it down 7/10

You were scared,
I was scarred
You there,
I was not
And your love,
I just shoved
You were there,
I was not,
You were there,
I was not
I was not
I was not
I was not
good way to use contrast, i liked it 9/10

I took that needle,
I took those drugs,
I took that bottle,
And drank it full throttle,
I could've stopped there,
But I was too selfish,
I should've just left it,
ALONE!
some clever rhymes here...7/10

These addictions are tearing us apart,
They were just small ones at the start,
But snowball it was and went round n' round,
Then became the ball and chain that I am bound,
same as before

I had your love, (You were there)
I should've treated it,
Like a dove (I was not)
But instead I cut it, ( You were there)
I shred it, I stabbed it, I fought it, (I was not)
You were there...
I was not!
meh, not a great ending, when compared with the rest it doesn't seem as poetic.(6/10)



overall i give it an 7/10 you used to many words but other wise it was very good.


if you want to crit mine or read them theres some in my sig and there some on front page.
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Viscara (my band)
#5
It is a nice theme...
But the Voc needs a bit of touching

I had one with the same Subject, it is called Spent, Please crit. it has fallen from the frontpage though...
I got another one Noone can tell you,also fallen...