#1
So I have this friend. he's a great singer and pretty cool. We've been wanting to start something and now we have a drummer. He's dabbles on bass.

So alls cool...

EXCEPT

He pisses me off periodicly. He just does dick-things and makes me mad. He doesn't know this, but it happens quite often.
I like him and all, and he's a great singer, but its these things that make me rethink this band idea.

I dunno what to do, any opinions? I'm thinking of just swallowing my pride and carrying on, for the sake of the music I love making, at least until he does somthing really bad.
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#2
Stick it out until he does something you can't stand. He'll probably get better as time goes on and u two get closer.
But if it doesnt improve, use ur judgement.
-Andrew H
band: syncopated groove punch
#3
My first band was started on exactly the same kind of background. I was best friends with the singer/rhythm guitarist to the point where a lot of people thought we were brothers, but he also did dick-things that made me mad sometimes. We started a few bands together, but finally found one that stuck for a bit after he met a bass player at one of his jobs, and the bass player brought in a drummer he knew. The drummer and I eventually became really good friends because we were very similar (helped that I started dating his sister, yes he was okay with it though not at first), and because we were the ones who had to defend the dick-moves of the singer and the bassist. After awhile, my best friend and the bassist felt we weren't dedicated enough (which was a dick-move since their reasoning was that we were in college and they weren't, and therefore didnt have the same time to "promote the band), and they basically disbanded us. It irrevocably changed the relationship I had with my best friend, to the point that I barely even talk to him anymore.

So you might want to rethink making a band with a good friend.

Side note...that former best friend isn't doing all that bad for himself. He plays bass for a band making some minor waves right now called Cinder Road.

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Last edited by BaffAttack at May 11, 2008,
#5
Quote by BaffAttack
My first band was started on exactly the same kind of background. I was best friends with the singer/rhythm guitarist to the point where a lot of people thought we were brothers, but he also did dick-things that made me mad sometimes. We started a few bands together, but finally found one that stuck for a bit after he met a bass player at one of his jobs, and the bass player brought in a drummer he knew. The drummer and I eventually became really good friends because we were very similar (helped that I started dating his sister, yes he was okay with it though not at first), and because we were the ones who had to defend the dick-moves of the singer and the bassist. After awhile, my best friend and the bassist felt we weren't dedicated enough, and they basically disbanded us. It irrevocably changed the relationship I had with my best friend, to the point that I barely even talk to him anymore.

So you might want to rethink making a band with a good friend.

Side note...that former best friend isn't doing all that bad for himself. He plays bass for a band making some minor waves right now called Cinder Road.


Haha. I in the same kind of situation u were in during the beginning of tha massive paragragh. Me and the other guitarist are really close friends. I hope it works out...
-Andrew H
band: syncopated groove punch
#6
Quote by fagelamusgtr
Haha. I in the same kind of situation u were in during the beginning of tha massive paragragh. Me and the other guitarist are really close friends. I hope it works out...


Well, I advise caution. As the saying goes, if I knew then what I know now...

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#7
Quote by BaffAttack
Well, I advise caution. As the saying goes, if I knew then what I know now...



Not that concerned, but will do.
Thanks for the advice
-Andrew H
band: syncopated groove punch
#8
Quote by fagelamusgtr
Not that concerned, but will do.
Thanks for the advice


Anytime. I hope it works out better for you than it did for me. It probably will, but mine is definitely a cautionary tale.

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#9
Quote by teddytheturtle
What exactly does he do? If it's just little stuff then you should probably just get over it, but if it REALLY bothers you, it can mess things up in the long term.


Well, one example would be last night. He hadn't done anything in a while really and I hadn't thought about not making a band with him in a while. But last night we went to a local show together. Earlier in the day, we made plans to do something afterwards. Then he calls back and says he has to wake up early and take his mom to breakfast or something. But then, he leaves halfway through the show and goes to sleep over someone else's house. It's really not that that bothers me, though it does, but he doesn't even be honest about it.
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#11
Yeah, I plan on talking to him the next time something happens.
Thanks guys.
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#12
Yeah, I get what you're saying. I'm working on a band right now and one of my really good friends is just starting out, so I figure that he can play rhythm guitar or something like that. Anyway, he is a jerk and can be very egotistical... all of the time. Yet he's my friend, haha.

Just do it, and if you can tell he's not a good fit, boot him and find a replacement.
#13
Everybody in my band occasionaly does something that pisses me off, and I'm pretty sure that I do things occasionaly that pisses the rest of the band off as well.
That's because we are all different people. It's just human nature.
Whenever people venture into something together that involves a lot of decision making, disagreements will happen.
People also have different personalities, and what may seem like acceptable behaviour to one person may not to another, hence you're mate cutting out of the show early that you had gone to together.
You might think 'What an inconsiderate bastard!'
But he might think 'Jesus, what's his problem? He's acting like he's my girlfriend or something!'
That's why musicians tend to develop thick skin. Because being in a band is like being in a family. Ask almost anyone if they would be in a band with their little sister and they'll probably say 'Hell no, my little sister is so annoying, she really pisses me off!'
But they still love her as a sister and wouldn't dream of kicking her out of the family or leaving the family themselves to get away from her.
It's this kinda relationship that should develop in a band between members. You're more than just mates, you are now collegues in a venture together, whether that's a business venture or just for fun. The band relys on everyone to put any differences aside and ignore each others annoying habits in the same way that a family relys on the same thing. If you don't have that, the band will either split or change members often.
My own band have a strange relationship with each other. (well, strange to non musicians but familiar to seasoned band members all over the world)
We will make fun of each other mercilesly, the remarks being far more cutting than you would expect to get away with with anyone else, and that can only happen when you all have a deep respect for each other. We may argue occasionaly but it's always forgotten about by the next time we all meet up.
But if any of us have any problems, we stand together. We look after each other and when the sh!t hits the fan for any of us, we know we can rely on each other.

A moment springs to mind.
Last Saturday we played a local gig and left the gear behind to pick up the day after. We'd borrowed a van off a friend of our drummer and were shifting the gear the day after, when our guitarist drove the van's door into a concrete pillar, making a really bad mess of it.
Now how would most people react to that?
Kick off in a BIG way at the guitarist because he's just done something stupid that's going to cost the band money in van repairs and have a great big argument about it?
Tell the guitarist that it was he who was driving so he can bloody well pay for it, and then have a great big argument about it?
What actualy happened was that the worst he got from us was 'You pillock!' and we had a quick meeting over a pint of beer and decided that him and the drummer should take the van back, explain what had happend, find out what the guy wanted us to do about it, find out what it's going to cost us, and split it 4 ways. It simply wasn't a problem.
Nobody lost their cool, there were no tempers flying. Yes it was a bit annoying but what the fu*k? It was just an accident, could have happened to anyone.
It's moments like that, that make me realise that I'm in the right band with the right people, because I've been in bands where something like that would have been a major issue.
#14
i have a few problems in my band, the rythm guitarist is a great friend of mine, a good rythm guitarist (not to good at lead, but anyway its not his job) and a nice guy BUT the problem is his timetable and "freetime attitude": he has 1 math hour a week, 2 guitar lessons, an english lesson and 2 other music hours (other instruments). HE IS NEVER FREE!!!!!!!!!!, when we do get together as a band its only for an hour or two, the fact that we have skool till between 3 and 5pm doesnt help. i get the feeling he isnt ready to make "time" sacrifices. (btw he is outta town evry weekend). Any tips on how to mybe rearrange things so we have time??

sry for the wall of text but i didnt wanna make a new thread for this.
#15
Quote by thedefrockednun
i have a few problems in my band, the rythm guitarist is a great friend of mine, a good rythm guitarist (not to good at lead, but anyway its not his job) and a nice guy BUT the problem is his timetable and "freetime attitude": he has 1 math hour a week, 2 guitar lessons, an english lesson and 2 other music hours (other instruments). HE IS NEVER FREE!!!!!!!!!!, when we do get together as a band its only for an hour or two, the fact that we have skool till between 3 and 5pm doesnt help. i get the feeling he isnt ready to make "time" sacrifices. (btw he is outta town evry weekend). Any tips on how to mybe rearrange things so we have time??


S'easy, find out when he's got some free time and schedual rehearsals for then.
If he literaly has no free time, then it's not gonna happen and you should look for someone else regardless of how good a musician or how much of a friend he is.
The only other obvious solution is to get him to drop one or two of his extracurricular activities to make room for rehearsals.
You know the guy, d'you think he'd be willing to do this?
#16
You know, I was really one of these guys that was too controlling and moody, and pissed off everyone in the band and made it very much not fun. I felt like I had so much at stake that I took everything entirely too seriously, and everyone in the band was too intimidated to say anything. It took quite a bit of reflection, and me pressing my former bandmate for a sincere opinion for me to figure out what a total dick I was and how much I was ruining a potentially great musical experience.

Now that I'm well aware, I think I have pulled a 180. I'm not in a band any more, but have my house set up as a place where lots of my friends can come make music together, I work really hard to make everyone super comfy and to really encourage a sense of fun. I'm sure this new attitude will carry over if I decide to play in a band again. Point is, sometimes a little reality check is all that is necessary to deal with this crap, communication is absolutely key. (or it might just be his real personality and you are **** out of luck lol).
#17
As my dad once told me
"the best way to lose friends is form a band"

and ive ignored that and things are okay for the time being.

admittedly any tour my band did would turn into full blown warefare in a matter of days but other than that we are alright!
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#18
Listen, you're never going to get along with everyone all of the time. The guys in my band or 3 of my best friends, literally. We were friends long before we started playing music and we will be long after, that doesn't mean there isn't things about them that drive me up a wall both in the band and out.

The bass player is late for everything all of the time. I honestly can't remember the last time he was on time for something. It is incredibly aggrivating making plans with him. At practices if someone else makes a mistake he'll stop playing and just stare at them, and if something isn't going right he'll just stop playing and refuse to keep going.

Guitarist/vocalist is one of the laziest people I know about certain things and will hates to put in a bit of extra effort on his part even if it makes someone elses life much much easier. Musicially he's never happy with what we've done (to a fault) and makes snap judgements on ideas without even hearing them out or getting all of the information. Example: Our friend that records us goes to a school that happens to have it's own "label" that it signs local bands to. All we know is that it will give us free studio time whenever we want it. Without even letting me gather info (what the deal would entail, what else we get out of it, what they get out of it) his response was "absolutley not, no, not interested I'm not signing anything."

Drummer: he's awesome.

I'm sure there's stuff I do that pisses them off too both in our friendship and the band as well.

Anyways, if he pisses you off sometimes but your still friends with him that should be proof enough that it's not all that bad and you can deal with it. Now of course it could get worse, but you'll never know if you don't try
And maybe we can fly away from here, surf on the debris of a broken scene...
#19
Quote by FoolOnThePlanet
It's really not that that bothers me, though it does, but he doesn't even be honest about it.


I advise being careful about this. I think it sets a bad precedent.

Quote by SlackerBabbath
Everybody in my band occasionaly does something that pisses me off, and I'm pretty sure that I do things occasionaly that pisses the rest of the band off as well.
That's because we are all different people. It's just human nature.
Whenever people venture into something together that involves a lot of decision making, disagreements will happen.
People also have different personalities, and what may seem like acceptable behaviour to one person may not to another, hence you're mate cutting out of the show early that you had gone to together.


Very true. But I'd like to extend it to say that it's basically impossible to find someone who doesn't annoy you at all regardless of how much you love or like him or her. The key is finding people who you like most of the time and accepting them for who they are.

I think the best thing to do is to talk to him about it. Be honest and don't yell at him. If you get angry he'll get defensive and you'll end up getting into a fight and accomplishing nothing. Approach him calmly and let him know what's bothering you next time he does something stupid. If you guys can talk it out then you can work it out.
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#20
Just give it a try, if it isn't working out you can just make some excuse that you can't be in the band anymore. I don't really agree with everyone saying that bands with friends are bad. Me and my best friend were in a band in high school and it was great fun. I think bands are better if all the band mates are somewhat friends. It can also help to strengthen your friendship because that is another thing you have in common.

Just talk to him about being a dick. And you may just have to accept the fact that that is part of his personality. One of my best friends is like that, he brought up the idea of going to San Diego on spring break, he found hotels and tickets and planned the whole trip, but then when it came time to buy the plane tickets he said he couldn't go and didn't have a reason, which meant me and our other friend couldn't go, because we had plans for rental car, and hotel. But I have accepted that he just does that, he will come up with awesome ideas but never actually do them. Everyone does something that pisses you off, you just gotta deal with it.
#21
if it was me......id find someone else

i dont wanna be in a band with someone thats a jerk......you know?
.
#22
just try to get him to know what is going on, but dont do it in any way that would hurt the friendship.
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