#1
this is an on the spot song. first one ive written in MONTHS. it has a sort of secondhand serenade sound to it. tell me what you think.

Verse:
If this is the end
Can you just take my hand
One more time, tonight

Take me down the roads
The one's we used to know
When the whole world was alright

Chorus:
And I know you just want
this to be a simple end
but that just doesn't happen
And you, you'll be fine
without me by your side
'cause there's someone else,
someone else for you

Verse:
Is it too late to ask you to stay?
Oh, you're already on your way,
Out the door once more

And this is not the first
but it has to be the worst
time that i've pushed you away (so far away)

Chorus

You're the only one for me (only one for me)
Last edited by Cyclones41 at May 16, 2008,
#2
Quote by Cyclones41

Verse:
If this is the end
Can you just take my hand
One more time, tonight
flows decently, but nothing special. 6/10

Take me down the roads
The one's we used to know
When the whole world was alright
flows well, not a bad stanza 7/10


Chorus:
And I know you just want
this to be a simple end
but that just doesn't happen
And you, you'll be fine
without me by your side
'cause there's someone else for you,
but what can i do when
you're the only one for me?
not bad 7/10

Verse:
Is it too late to ask you to stay?
Oh, you're already on your way,
Out the door once more
better 8/10

And this is not the first
but it has to be the worst
time that i've pushed you away (so far away)
i like it more with rhymes

Chorus

You're the only one for me (only one for me)


not bad considering you haven written in a while especially.

crit mine? theyre on front page.
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#3
Nice piece, flows well and its easy to understand. I like the second stanza the most and the last one (before the last chorus) the least because the rhyme seems kinda forced. I like rhyming but I think the flow is the most important thing. Overall good song though
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#5
"Is it too late to ask you to stay? Oh, you're already on your way," - Cracking line mate, love it. Simple but funnily powerful, if you know what I mean. I enjoyed the theme of the song, very relatable. Its so simple and I give you credit for creating a nice simple song. I find that very hard to do.
There are few lines I'm not so keen on such as, "The one's we used to know", and "And you, you'll be fine without me by your side." But I can't imagine how else you could have them so all I can say is, well done!