#1
Ok this song is intended to be soft on the ears. But the acoustic guitar is steel so it may sound a little loud and the nylon one u can barely hear lol. So i suggest u use rse when playing the song for the acoustic guitars. This song maybe a little difficult for those who arent used to chords. Just tabbed it out yesterday so drums and vocals aren't ready. Its suppose to be me and my guitar singing so who knows. maybe ill record it later :P

Ill return C4C's but i need some criticism please
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Last edited by Jonathan Trejo at May 12, 2008,
#3
o boy fine u can correct me but please for goodness sake listen to the song ... anything else u want to change before u waste a perfectly good post?
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#4
I probably wont give you the best crit ever but i'll try hehe. Its definately soft on the ears, only problem is, im goin on my 2nd day without sleep and listenening to this is making me sleepier but oh well. I love the part around 1:00mins, iv tried to mix single string riffs with chords and i can never do it successfully but u managed well. VERY relaxing song, but theres a couple of notes in there that dont sound right, but that may be my speakers...and i dont have GP so im only able to hear the midi.

I'll check some of your other songs out soon. And when/if you get round to recording this song please lemme know. Dunno if you wanna crit mine because its metal, but the intro isn't. Up to you lol.
#5
Yeah i was going for that hehe. Thnx for the comment dude, I dont mind critting your song. I'm more of a metal guy but i wanted to write something clean. I hope i accomplished it .
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#6
That was really great, the only problems I saw were it seemed like some of the notes on the keyboard thing were out of place and the open notes on the d string in the chorus kinda seemed out of place. Also the first few seconds of the interlude just kinda stopped the flow but it came right back. You shoulda used drums too (I'm a drummer )

I liked everything on the guitar, some really nice stuff.

8/10
#7
I wasn't sure what to think when I downloaded this, but the moment I hit play I was thoroughly surprised and happy with what I heard. Basically, you took some weird chords, put it with some weird timing, and produced something beautiful.

I think you should do more stuff like this, definitely. The intro is probably the best part, and I'd think throwing in some more single note stuff like that on the other guitar track in the right places would be amazing. Also, the ending seems kind of incomplete.

But this might be my favorite work from you. Do you have lyrics and vocal melody and stuff?
#8
I beg to differ here. I don't quite like the intro as much as the rest of the song, Idk, it just sounded a bit strange to me. The rhythm and everything was nice, but it kinda lacked some punch behind it, and the pad was kinda strange (though it's GP's fault more than anything). I think if you put some rhythm backing for it, it would sound better.

But the verse, damn was that good, and I can only imagine that with vocals it would only be better. It's perfect, so, yeah .

Chorus was also sweet, though I personally think that it would sound better on 7/8 instead of 4/4, as the last two sixteenth notes kind of bugged me . But yeah, try using 7/8, I think it sounds better that way. Other than that, it's mostly perfect.

I have to agree with bloodshed344, the open D in the second chorus was out of key, really ruined the mood there. Try changing it to C# or something, it sounds a lot better.

Interlude could use some lead, as it was kinda abrupt as of now, 'cept if you wanna put vocals there, in which it would sound good (I think). But I think a lead or something there would be better, seeing as it is an interlude between choruses .

Ending was meh, it didn't even do justice to this beautiful piece. You should srsly work on it, no need for something extra flashy, anything simple, as long as it is a proper ending will do. I suggest you slow down the tempo gradually over about 4 bars, and end it with the root chord played with a downstroke .

That's about it I guess. There's a few things that I don't agree with here and there, but overall, it's a great piece! Your musicianship have certainly evolved over the times, either in your skill or genre .

Crit mine? It's a little bit similar to yours in style, I think, and imo you will enjoy it . https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=856149
#9
Quote by Jonathan Trejo
o boy fine u can correct me but please for goodness sake listen to the song ... anything else u want to change before u waste a perfectly good post?


way to be an asshole, would you rather your song title was grammatically incorrect?

also some of the chords in that are unplayable i.e you would need 5 fingers.

dont say you can used your thumb because you cant for that size of stretch
Last edited by ch715dallat at May 13, 2008,
#10
Great song...simply GP made sound some incorrect...
War Is Over
(If You Want It)

SorryForMyEnglish=)))

Accordion Muse S 384-K
#11
Yeah i didn't want to sound like an asshole i guess i kinda did.

Thnx Thomasoman My inspiration came from rhcps under the bridge lol... so your definetly right about adding a 2nd guitar with notes in the right places. The ending and the interlude sound incomplete cause i rushed it to get it up here. Seems now that i did that . its a bad thing... Yes im writing lyrics for this song but since im not a lyrisist its gunna take awhile till i get used to my voice. Once i get my voice down ill add a vocal track and hopefully itll do justice. The interlude is suppose to have a cool bass line witch im working on right now with drums also.. the bass line will add the punch your looking for MarchOfEternity so ill get back soon dunno about time wise. But for now ill crit your songs. Thnx for the crit guys
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#12
Quote by Jonathan Trejo
Yeah i was going for that hehe. Thnx for the comment dude, I dont mind critting your song. I'm more of a metal guy but i wanted to write something clean. I hope i accomplished it .



Yeah man, you definately accomplished ... so no unhappy smiley faces!! ("unhappy smiley faces??? How does that work hehe.)

If you still dont mind critting mine then here be the link. .
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=859842

Thanks dude.
#13
Wow! Nothing really stood out for me in the intro or the verse, but the second verse is suprising, and great sounding. A few chords in the earlier part that sounded a bit off, the E as the bar ender specifically, but then again, maybe that's the sound you were goin' for? As I said, it picks up steam as it goes along, and by the end I wanted to listen again, so great effort man! You should definitely do more acoustic stuff
#14
You know what would make this song so much better?
Drums and Bass, and maybe strings/piano.
Get some more depth in to the song.
It works great when your sitting around a camp fire playing some tunes on the guitar, maybe singing some too. But when you sit your ass down to make a whole song, add some freekin more instruments.
Try taking a song youve made in the past which got drums and bass in it and you think is fairly awsome, or nice or whatever. Then you turn off the drums and bass, the song will sounds like crap then. Point is that you may have a realy good song, but adding more instruments to it and work further with it will just make it over the top.

Do not missunderstand me here. I do like the song, it is quite nice, its just that it can be so much more then just nice.

Thanks for the crit on my song. And by slides you mean bends, right? cause thats what im using alot of. And you gotta work out the bends, even though it takes time.

If your into metal you may check out my latest, and i will check some of your other stuff, trying to give constructive crit.
#15
nice song you have here, enjoyed it much more than your other i crit'd. besides some dissonance problems and a few impossible chords to play, you have a good piece here.
#16
this is a good song overall, i actually like a lot of the dissonance you have in there, keep working on this one cuz i like what you have so far
i have 2 songs up now, i know you listened to one how bout checking out the other?
Thanks a lot
#17
I love the use of chords in this song. They really fill in all the areas where there could be a hole in the song. I don't normally listen to acoustic stuff, but I must say, this was a very listenable song. The keyboards do really well to accentuate and bring out the atmosphere of the song. The only thing I didn't like was the part where the two acoustic guitars were playing the same chords at the same time. It could have just been the RSE, but that part sounded pretty rough. Other than that, the song was awesome. 9/10.
#18
Yeah sorry about the interlude... I might redo it when i get around to it. Thnx glad u liked it hehe.
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#19
Aaaah, this makes a change from all the metal on here :P

This is really nice, I can imagine with vocals on top it would be quite moving actually. I love the single acoustic at the start, just the right balance of being technical and twiddly without ruining the song. Really good writing here, it flows nicely and all the sections work well together. I think some strings would sound pretty good on this actually, but it also works great as it is, well done. Wish we could write something like this!

I gotta say, some of these chords look almost painful, if you can play this perfectly you must be a pretty insane player! Like it, can't wait to hear it recorded if you do decide to, give us a PM if you get a recording up

Anyway cheers mate, if you've got a sec could you give ours a crit? Completely different from this and I dunno if you'd like it, but still, you're a good musician and we'd love your feedback, thanks
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=883338
#20
Ok....
The intro was my favorite part....on a side note, that chord progression...I've heard it somewhere before, and it was calming there...anyway, the first verse sounded like a bunch of random chords at random times, very weird sounding. The second verse sounded better, and the chorus wasn't too bad. The interlude sounded really weird, mostly because of that weird slide thing. All in all, very calming, a little boring, but isn't that almost the point?
#22
I really liked this. I really can't give you any advice since I really admired it just the way it is.

the one thing that bothered me was the background pad at the beginning which was too "slidey" instead of doing legato slides on whole notes, I would change it to a dotted half, eighth, eighth with the slide from the last eighth only if you know what I'm saying. it should make it a cleaner slide that sounds more appealing and doesn't clash.

and it should end on a ringing chord IMO but whatever works for you.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#23
I really, really, really loved the intro. The virse, I think, could use some re-writing though. I don't know, maybe vocals could fix it. I'm not sure. The second verse sounded better to me, and I liked the chorus too. The interlude was nice.

Overall, I really liked this. With vocals it will probably be great.
#24
That was definately a success. I really liked those verses - both interesting chords, coupled with really nice lil single string bits. It looks like it would be a real bitch to play! (I'm scared to even attempt it, what with my 6 months of gee-tar =P)

Any criticism I had has already been said really - I'll just re-iterate it - add a nice ending. Something like a slowed down verse 3 or something, but just finish the song on a high.

And by the way, what's happening in the interlude? The chords sounded nice (again) and they certainly weren't generic, but what will you add there? Vox or guitar - but definately something flashy to have a bit of tension-release between the next chorus.

Hope I helped, and thanks again for looking at mine =D.