#1
This is a continuation from an older idea that I had. I'd appreciate the feedback, and I'll be sure to get to yours if you get to mine.
______________________________________
If Only Things Were Like They Make It Seem

I just want to pause this scene,
So I can take in everything,
‘Cause the memory never process things,
How they really are, only how they seem to me.
And I swear I read every signal right,
I stopped at green,
Went through the red,
And forgot there was a yellow.

Maybe if I could just rewind,
I wouldn’t seem so color blind.
Clouds would be clouds, nothing else,
Because everything you’ve ever felt would be defined,
So you wouldn’t have to think endless thoughts,
Or speak a script continuously unfolding,
Continuously being written, being molded,
Into some shape suspended in the sky

Maybe I’ll just fast-forward through,
The scenes that brought me far from you,
The reason why even with a T.V., I’m lonely.
I keep changing through the channels like I’ll find something
That encompasses everything, every mood ever felt
By anyone other than me, cause I am lost,
And I am so confused, and I don’t know why,
But I always look to the sky for answers.

Maybe I could just let things play out,
And never have to worry about,
The fireworks that graduated from butterflies,
As the red, the green, the yellow flash all around,
And never seem to stop climbing into the darkness.
I wonder: where could my Webster be, because I need advice.
I keep feeling thoughts, and thinking feelings,
Bt with a simple pen, and pad of paper, everything stops.
#2
That is Awesome! Beautiful words man. Reminds me of Kerouac a bit.
Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day.
Catch a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Last edited by J3lademaster at May 13, 2008,
#3
Incredible stuff. I love the structure and all aspects of it, such as rhyming. I've re-read over and I'm finding it hard to criticise so I can try and help you.

...

It's currently 11.27pm over here I'll promise to try and get back if I got anything to try and help, I'm determined now All I can say is, maybe try to mess around with punctuation, maybe different break usages might give it that slight extra edge? Either way, this is amazing stuff.

Crit for crit though, here you go.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=14219064#post14219064
#4
THE best poem i've ever read on here...seriously, I'm amazed.
Quote by dcdossett65
Life is too short to worry about this crap.

Who.

Cares.