#1
This is a little song I wrote. Pretty simple, primarily chords. I also sing in it. PS: Its recorded through a video camera, so its not necessarily the best recording but its good enough.

http://www.esnips.com/doc/5cddde21-bff8-4a06-90de-d8772e1818d3/In-the-Shadow-of-my-Tears

Lyrics:

In the shadow of my tears
Apparitions so firmly appear
Am I trembling?
Need I ask this of myself, again?

A faint whisper so unseen
Can this be mine as I lie deep in dream?
Sanity sings a requiem
Please return to me...

Given all the chances
In light of the fading dawn
Will the blind so blindly follow
Me; whom lacks capability to see?

In the shadow of my tears
Will my vision break the tension
Of waters keen tranquility;
Deeply breathing so openly.

Does a sweet alibi
Deem murder fit for sacrifice?

Will my blood stain the carpet
So dry and innocent
The warmth in kerosene matches
Flickering against my wiltering soul

Will my heart depart
This once guarded draping coffin
Falling off the face of the world...


And than death,
In the shadow
of my tears
While I stare gleaming out the window
Children playing in light of every still movement
A terror lurking inside my every corner
Slowly devestating until the lights turn out.

Will I be the only one?

I lie inside myself
Bury me amidst my flooded vessels
Sanity continues to be my sincerest means
To wish death on myself due to cancerous veins.

In the shadow of my tears
Light the way with thy heart
Oh, the fool despairs when rain falls
After night's isolated heat
Yet, listening so closely to the smallest drop of life
A beast is eased and quenched by the near distant
River flowing in my alternate being.
So ghastly do I seem
Yet also eyes I have, can not see
In dearest time blind will be no more.
Suffering will be no more.
I will be no more.

Hope you like it. C4C.
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#2
I like your voice a lot and the lyrics are real good. The arpeggios could have been more fluent in the beginning though, and maybe a bit more of a strumming rhythm. Good potential overall though.
#3
Thanks for the comment. Its been a while since I've played it (that was the first time in months). I noticed the rhythm thing too when I listened to it again, probably because it was as I said, the first time in a while. hah. Thanks
Check out Hear the Indie for music reviews, interviews, and more.

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#4
your voice, speaking voice, is annoying, its like your on drugs or something

i however like your singing voice, it reminds me of something i know, but i cant put a finger on it.

I think you should work on your strumming, it sounded like all downstrokes, you need to make it more fluid.

Aside from that, i think a good start, i like the lyrics, and with improvements, it has potential to be a very good song

Crit Mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=859402
#5
Dude you gotta work on the recording!!! I was straining my ears to hear your voice and the monotonous strumming of the guitar was really irritating. Just being honest, but these are all correctable... Your voice sounds nice and delicate so the guitar should compliment that- not drown it out. I like the lyrics.
Check out my live performance:
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=858552
#6
As I said, the recording is a video camera so I can't do much. hah. I also have difficulty breathing, to add; so it makes getting through the entire song difficult to say the least.

And yes, I am on drugs. haha.

Will be critiquing both of yours.
Check out Hear the Indie for music reviews, interviews, and more.

Want a review? Send me a PM or email through the contact form on my site.