#1
Crit for Crit

A short unfinished acoustic piece.

The River Runs Wild

The river runs wild
She twist and she turns
Born the reflections
Of many broken souls
Soldiers and prophets
Fathers and sons
She has seen the shadows
Those who dance in the sun
Let her waters embrace me
For my eyes are on fire
And I really can't see

The river runs wild
The river runs true
She knows whose arms are open
But hearts are sewn shut
The hiss of a snake
Disguised by a kiss
Judas his silver
Cast in the river
Let her waters surround me
For my heart is screaming
And I'm waiting to be freed

The river runs wild
She smiles and she cries
Danced with the moon
Fought with the sun
Separated lovers
Sent dreamers adrift
Where the earth and the sky
Fold into one
Let her waters wash over me
For my mind is exploding
Take the weight of my feet
Last edited by GNR's Fan at May 14, 2008,
#2
very very cool man. 9/10
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
#3
Quote by GNR's Fan
Crit for Crit

A short unfinished acoustic piece.

The River Runs Wild

The river runs wild
She twist and she turns
Born the reflections
Of many broken souls
Soldiers and prophets
Fathers and sons
She has seen the shadows
Those who dance in the sun
Let her waters embrace me
For my eyes are on fire
And I really can't see
Timing feels a little awkward and off here... Those two lines ending in "sons" and "sun" don't really sound right. Maybe "really" could be dropped from the last line. Other than that a great opening.
The river runs wild
The river runs true
She knows whose arms are open
But hearts are sewn shut
The hiss of a snake
Disguised by a kiss
Judas his silver
Cast in the river
Let her waters surround me
For my heart is screaming
And I'm waiting to be freed
I love the imagery here with Judas and the other stuff. Maybe try adding some to "but hearts are sewn shut" it feels a little short? The river runs wild
She smiles and she cries
Danced with the moon
Fought with the sun
Separated lovers
Sent dreamers adrift
Where the earth and the sky
Fold into one
Let her waters wash over me
For my mind is exploding
Take the weight of my feet
Maybe try taking the second "she" out of the second line to make it flow better. Don't be afraid to screw with grammar a little to make it sound better.

Overall, i love this piece, It's got great imagery.
Could you crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=857376