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#1
No, I do not mean 'ya dad' jokes. They're like a even worse version of the whole 'ya mum' jokes.

I'm talking about jokes that dads tell. You know, those horrible lame jokes. Yet somehow they're still funny as hell. I can claim that my dad would be the offical 'King of Dad Jokes' but hes gone away for the week and somehow I've actually missed his pathetic jokes.

So tell me all the lamest dad jokes you can possibly conjure.
#6
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.

Sorry to sound like an asshat, but "reported" on the grounds you don't have a dad?

I haven't seen my dad in about 6 months. You win on the shortest period of time you've seen your dad.

EDIT: Just so it's not off topic. You know the older teachers at school crack those "teacher jokes?" My dad is a teacher, so i get the old teacher/dad joke combo. =\
I hate my username, it all happened in a rush


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Last edited by bLiNk182fOrLyF at May 16, 2008,
#7
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.

How is this thread disrespectful?
#9
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.

Yeah, the TS should really have created a thread or PM'd everyone beforehand, asking if anyone's dad had recently died.

Shame on you, TS


Sorry for your loss, though.
#10
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.

lol at useless comment

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had NOBODY to go with!
Quote by Shylock
Well, If I woke up a girl, I would immediantly proceed to achieving an orgaism.

because they are superior to ours.


I AM HERE TO RIDE BIKE!!!
#11
Quote by Matty_V
lol at useless comment

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had NOBODY to go with!

I stared at that for like 30 seconds before I got it.
#13
Quote by The Blind Man
Now jokes about skeletons. Dad is rolling over in his grave.

Maybe I should go and whine at the people in the gay thread, because I'm not gay.
Quote by Shylock
Well, If I woke up a girl, I would immediantly proceed to achieving an orgaism.

because they are superior to ours.


I AM HERE TO RIDE BIKE!!!
#14
Quote by Matty_V

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had NOBODY to go with!


and the award for most pitiful joke goes to.....

XD
Quote by Kensai
kikaykitko, why do I get the feeling you're very sex depraved when you're on UG?

Quote by kikaykitko
Because my virginity is starting to grow back.

#15
Quote by The Blind Man
Now jokes about skeletons. Dad is rolling over in his grave.


Roll out the dead dad jokes.
ALL THE PLAYERS ARE KEEN GRAVE MAKERS
#16
you know dead dad jokes? thats pretty damn specialist. im impressed and disgusted at the same time XD
Quote by Kensai
kikaykitko, why do I get the feeling you're very sex depraved when you're on UG?

Quote by kikaykitko
Because my virginity is starting to grow back.

#17
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the guy says, "The light was on."

Scrubs FTW lol
Quote by Shylock
Well, If I woke up a girl, I would immediantly proceed to achieving an orgaism.

because they are superior to ours.


I AM HERE TO RIDE BIKE!!!
#18
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.


good choice in thread to read.
#19
Quote by Matty_V
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the guy says, "The light was on."

Scrubs FTW lol






An oldie but a goody!
#20
Quote by Matty_V
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the guy says, "The light was on."

Scrubs FTW lol

Actually it goes more like this:
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the moth says: "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?
Dentist: "Well I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such."
Moth: "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that. but to answer you original question, which was 'If I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office?', the answer is; because the light was on."
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#21
Quote by Ichimaru
Actually it goes more like this:
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the moth says: "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?
Dentist: "Well I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such."
Moth: "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that. but to answer you original question, which was 'If I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office?', the answer is; because the light was on."


i enjoyed that an inexplicably large amount. you have officialy owned that joke my friend.*worships*
Quote by Kensai
kikaykitko, why do I get the feeling you're very sex depraved when you're on UG?

Quote by kikaykitko
Because my virginity is starting to grow back.

#22
Quote by Ichimaru
Actually it goes more like this:
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the moth says: "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?
Dentist: "Well I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such."
Moth: "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that. but to answer you original question, which was 'If I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office?', the answer is; because the light was on."

YES.
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Last edited by Sparks92 : Tomorrow at 13:37 AM.
#23
Haha I LOVE dad jokes. They're all that I tell. They're just all so bad that they're good There are some standard ones that every Dad HAS to tell in his life or he's not a dad, like "Dad, can you please pick me up from the train station", "I don't think so, I'm not STRONG ENOUGH!" HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Or when kids are playing the yellow car game Dad's just start shouting random car colours and hitting everyone...
#24
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.



*obvious troll is obvious*

my dad tells a lot of pirate and dead baby jokes

eg. how much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced?


a bucaneer!
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#25
heres one for ya from my dad =P

I've just got offered a new job, £9000 a week, a free company car all expenses paid for! It working for the brittle bone foundation, needless to say i snapped the ****ers hand off!
#26
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.
1. you're doing it wrong.
2. read no. 1.
#27
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.


i know people have dealt with you already but my dad passed away 6 years ago and as soon as TS said "not 'ya dad' jokes", i knew this thread would not be offensive to me.

i know what you mean about the jokes being pathetic. they're probably shared around at work. i can't remember any though.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#28
Me: Damn I'm hungry!....i feel like a pie
Dad: Well ya dont look like one! (ba-dum-tsish)
#29
Two termites walk into a bar. One says to the other "where's the bar tender?"
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never paid to have a lentil on my face!
#30
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.


Why don't we just not make threads at all that way we won't be "disrespecing" anyone

Jeez
#32
Quote by soulflyV
Driving past a graveyard:

"Hey look, its the dead center of town!"

or

"Everyone's dying to get in there"

Still, gotta love it .

my dad does that too


...


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#33
My dad: You know who lewis alcinder is right? the nba basketball player?

Me: ummmm

Dad: You know, he turned muslim back in the day and now his name his Kareem abdul Jabar.

Me: Oh yeah, I remember that guy.

Dad: Did you hear buckwheat from the little rascals (TV show) turned muslim? Want to know what his name is now?

Me: k

Dad: Kareeeeem of wheat. Bahahahhahahahha (joke is word play on kareem. kareem=cream)

Me: ::shakes head in shame and chuckles::
#35
When I was younger my dad tried having the sex talk with me using a Knife and Sheath as an example.....heh heh.

/thread
Why look a man in the eye when you can shoot him in the back?

If you can't convince them; confuse them.


Quote by smb
I think anyone who hasn't cheated hasn't lived.
#36
Quote by The Blind Man
My Dad died last week you disrespectful wankers.

Reported.


Not our fault you 'wanker'
#37
My dad just kinda changes the words in the songs on the radio...
Like a

"Just caught in the undertow."

Becomes...

"Just caught in the camel toe."

Things like that. They are hilarious though, haha.
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#38
Quote by Miracle_Man
Two termites walk into a bar. One says to the other "where's the bar tender?"


my dad loves that one....
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#39
Quote by Ichimaru
Actually it goes more like this:
A guy goes into a dentists office and says, "You gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!"
The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
And the moth says: "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?
Dentist: "Well I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such."
Moth: "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that. but to answer you original question, which was 'If I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office?', the answer is; because the light was on."


Well yeah, the Scrubs version does, because he forgets the punchline.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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#40
What you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

NACHO CHEESE!
Gear:
2003 Fender Standard Strat w/ Texas Specials
2010 EBMM BFR JP6
2012 Babicz Identity Dreadnaught
2015 Gibson Les Paul Traditional SR
Line 6 POD HD500
Peavey XXX 112
Fender Blues Jr
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