#1
I wrote this for my girlfriend, it was based on a conversation we were having at the time, she liked it, but I'd like to know what other people think

Nine Lives

I sit around all day
just thinking about you
wondering where ever you are
if your thinking of me too
I'm thinking of your laugh
I'm thinking of your smile
and these thoughts seem
to make me happy for a while

If I were like a cat
and could go through 9 lives
I would sacrifice 8 for you
so I'd see you happy in my eyes
I'd even sacrifice the last
cause you mean everything to me
and I just want your life
to be full and for you to be happy

We talk on the phone for hours
running out of things to say
but were still afraid to hang up
and wait till the next day
even when were dead tired
we still don't hang up the phone
it's just like our relationship
I never want to let you go

If I were like a cat
and could go through 9 lives
I would sacrifice 8 for you
so I'd see you happy in my eyes
I'd even sacrifice the last
cause you mean everything to me
and I just want your life
to be full and for you to be happy

I would sacrifice everything for you
even if that came to my life
thats why I wish I could be like a cat
so I have 9 to sacrifice
I would sacrifice everything for you
even if that came to my life
thats why I wish I could be like a cat
so I have 9 to sacrifice

If I were like a cat
and could go through 9 lives
I would sacrifice 8 for you
so I'd see you happy in my eyes
I'd even sacrifice the last
cause you mean everything to me
and I just want your life
to be full and for you to be happy
#2
good song....the nine lives of a cat was used just so perfect....i like it...i give it a 9 on a scale from 1-10
Amen...Oh Wait....
Im Getting Dizzy....
My Bad.....
#3
Quote by Dimebag_Girl
good song....the nine lives of a cat was used just so perfect....i like it...i give it a 9 on a scale from 1-10

Thanks
You have anything you'd like me to crit?
#4
Well, your flow was good on the whole.

The actual content was terribly cliche, and believe me when I've said it that I've seen this sort of thing a million time. Hell, i wrote half of them.

Read up on song and poetic techniques to add some jazz to your writing. Wit and turn of phrase is a good start, as is learning to ryme with style.

So, yeah. You need some funk in your lyrics for the future.
#5
Quote by Jammydude44
Well, your flow was good on the whole.

The actual content was terribly cliche, and believe me when I've said it that I've seen this sort of thing a million time. Hell, i wrote half of them.

Read up on song and poetic techniques to add some jazz to your writing. Wit and turn of phrase is a good start, as is learning to ryme with style.

So, yeah. You need some funk in your lyrics for the future.


k thanks I'll keep that in mind
#6
I totally agree with jamie . Your flow was good throughout but lots of lines in there were cliches . What u were lacking were some metaphors and smilies. Seeing where you are coming from the whole "i wrote this for my gf" it was nicely written but it was a cliche . read the tips thread like jamie suggested and you'll do gr8 in the future.

It might be a gr8 song to play for girls and on stage but lyrically there was nothing new except the way in which you used "nine lives" . Its because mostly when people write a song called "nine lives" . the whole song is about "You can try to kill them , kick them or beat the crap out of them but they'll always come back. Why? because they have Nine lives".

Hope this helps. Thanx for your time on my song,
Hi
#7
hey man it was very good in the start, but i felt like it started dying twards the end. personaly i didnt like the idea, but i liked the flow. 6.5 out of 10.

feel free to crit mine.
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