#1
For all guys who have no damn clue what their girls are talking about most of the time, and for all girls who wish their guys knew what they were talking about C4C


I’m touring the town with my radio on
And I’m lost in the sound and I can’t, seem, to get where I’m going.

It’s the hardest thing ever that’s easy to do,
I told everyone else but I just can’t tell you.
So Insert Words Here if you will for me please
Because what I must handle carefully you handle with ease,

And I ask for this task to be handled by you
Because whenever I try my words never get through
But it’s something I want and it’s something you need,
So Insert Words here and prescribe me a creed.
These matters of life and love just aren’t for me
And you know how I feel but you never agree.

My candle has burned out I’m left in the dark,
But my wick is still useful it just needs your spark.
Let’s quit this charade, let’s give it a rest,
There’s just one thing more that I must request,

That you Insert Words Here and tell me who to be,
Because I will be blind until you help me to see.


**When I wrote it I was thinking of a fast-paced song, all lines run together except after periods (I was thinking of short instrumentals after some of the periods). This is just a first draft of the song, I still want to touch it up a lot
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
Last edited by Billyjson at May 27, 2008,
#4
The very last line is the only thing that doesn't really seem to flow. You could try ending the first line with have, and make the end something that rhymes with it (halve?). Original idea (though it does remind of Nickelback in a good way :P)

Critic mine? On first page.
Last edited by NinthDetour at May 17, 2008,
#5
I agree with you guys, I need a better end. I'll think of something soon, no need to rush it though.

As for it sounding like Nickelback, thats kinda funny because I was thinking of it as more of a Jack Johnson-ish type song (haven't listened to much Nickelback).
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#6
I loved this.

"creed" was one of the most forced rhymes I've ever read, and some of your grammar seems to wobble but who cars, lol, tis a song.

Rephrase the last line though. The idea behind it is cool but it ends so awkwardly and blandly.

Anyways, yeah, cool job on this one.

There's a return in my sig if you could. Thakns if you do.

Have a good day
#7
Edited first post with the new ending:

That you Insert Words Here and tell me who to be,
Because I will be blind until you help me to see.


I'm a lot happier with this one.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.