#1
My newest song, I'll try to return crits. Black tears and razor blade kisses


singing a strange song
Weeping through the ages long
Look beyond the mundane
See that your heart is empty

Flesh and blood
Thats not a soul
tear it out
You'll find a hole

Black tears and crimson wishes
Broken hearts and razor blade kisses

Because nothing lasts forever
Everything ends
Everything dies

Memories will never erase
Counting through the days
Lightning always strikes twice
Through the valleys of demise

Black tears and crimson wishes
Broken hearts and razor blade kisses

Cherish forever the longest light
Cherish forever the thickest night
Everything is wrong
Sorrow doesnt make the song
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#3
meh, you're trying too hard with the color associations. sounds too generic. replace 'kisses' with 'cadaver' and 'razor blade' with 'limbless.' then change 'broken hearts' to 'rape the.'
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not
#5
Who was being warned? Me or party_on_wayne?
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#7
I think it's trying to rhyme to much and that's gonna limit your vocabulary for the words.

You're message could be put across alot more vividly if every sentence didn't have to rhyme!