#1
we must leave immediatly
now make haste
gather your belongings
gather your fruits
your drinks
your guitars with
no strings attached
and be prepared for the rain
for the growth
for the cryptic abstract words
that might
just might
reach him
before it's too la
#2
we must leave immediatly *immediately
now make haste
gather your belongings
I think either this line
or the four that follow
but not both.
At the very least
prune gather
from the beginning of the next.

gather your fruits
your drinks
your guitars with
no strings attached
and be prepared for the rain
for the growth
for the cryptic abstract words
that might
just might
reach him
before it's too la
amusing ending.
Meadows
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#4
I think either this line
or the four that follow
but not both.
At the very least
prune gather
from the beginning of the next.


That was probably the part I would have picked up on.

The no strings line was pretty cool. I found the ending similarly amusing but not amazing by any means. This didn't move me hugely overall.

That's it really. Short piece, was good for what it was, but it wasn't much, to use an old phrase.

Thanks for your words on mine Alex
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 18, 2008,
#5
yeah this is a decent little snip-bit into a piece of your life that was probably a little stressful or choatic. kind of witty, and actually enjoyable to read, as it is with most of your stuff.