#1
A poem I previously posted that I've added changed a little and added onto. C4C
I'm trying to be a creative writing major when I go to college this summer, so I need constructive criticism! I really had no idea what to call it, so I kinda just came up with a title.


In a cave where the lost souls lie
I see the world through romantic eyes.
Smiling demons with long, sharp teeth.
Smelling of flowers, dark eyes of glee.
My eyes grow heavy, pink sleep so sweet.
Dim all the lights for the demon's feast.
And now one comes with eyes of steel.
Face hidden behind cloak and veil.
A mask that hides not one face but two.
"Excuse me," I asked, "But which one are you?"
It only laughed all fun and fangs.
What looks like an angel is soon to change.
Together we stay through dusk and dawn.
I cannot go. It's reach grows too long.
Together we stay. On and on. On and on.
We all hum along to Hell's sickly song.
"We're free, so free," it says. Little white lies.
Oh how I see the world through romantic eyes.
#3
Thanks a lot guys, but any criticism at all? What did you like about it, what didn't you like?
#4
There's a lot of contrast in it, and I really like that. I don't know if it flows well enough to be melodic though
#6
Its pretty good but you should probably use different rhyming method though. Although its good, your method at it seems way too expected. What I Would do is keep the same lines but change the type of poem ... if you know what I mean.