#1
i hear them there in my head
The voices that I so dread
They lock me up in this cell
Can i not be saved from this hell

They whisper to me
telling me that I’m insane
They trap my mind in solitude
Threes nothing that I can do

Come save me
Form my self
Come save me
From my hell

Do you think I can be saved
From the war that is being waged
I can not think I only stare
My mind is completely bare

I used to fear the things out there
Now I fear only what’s in there
Only time will tell when I can leave this
Hell….

Come save me
Form my self
Come save me
From my hell


well what do you think
#2
The monosyllabic rhymes killed this piece, for me, I'm afraid.

There wasn't really anything that got my attention. Yeah you told a pretty sturdy narrative but when it comes down to really making the reader/listener of these lyrics feel something - it was lacking, for me.

Keep writing though, and reading and listening and taking everything in from life.

If you could leave a small comment back on the poem in my sig, I'd appreciate it. Thanks if you can