This is a song my friend and I recorded today. I did the guitar work and he did the piano and vocals. I did the drums using Band in a Box. I think it's pretty interesting. It's about a shepherd named Jon.

Disclaimer: The lyrics themselves are not original, but everything else in the song is. The lyrics originally are from an old children's book.

Crit for Crit


Edit: I need to adjust some levels here and there. The electric guitar in the end is way too loud and it overpowers some of the vocals. I'm gonna do that tomorrow morning.

Edit2: Rerecorded the guitar using an Amplitube demo. Specifically the new "metal" one because I've used up the rest of the amplitube demos and this one was new. I think it sounds much tighter. I also added a bit more slide near the end of the song.

I think it sounds right now. Levels are also adjusted for the most part.
Last edited by lemonsquares42 at May 18, 2008,
Damn, very nice. The piano and vocals compliment each other flawlessly and gave a very nice 'story' feel to the song. When the guitar kicks in it makes everything feel a little more full, but still leaves a lot of room for all the other aspects, which really gives it a nice feel.

The solo was amazing as well, although the tone could've been a little sharper so it would be more defined. The vocalist sounds like he's missing just a couple notes here and there, but otherwise he's doing a fantastic job.

The only kink might be the little rest you guys have in the beginning when it's just the drummer and then one piano chord is played. That sounded just a little awkward, but nothing to big.

Great song, keep it up.
The Pit. The Movie.
Listening now. Love the piano, and the vocals compliment nicely, and as mentioned, gives a storytype feel. I like the acoustic underneath that comes in. When the mix fills up, gives it a very warm feel. Like the high guitar in the back ground. The solo is really cool, love the delay. On the few negative sides, the vocals hit a couple of flat notes, no biggie though, and i would clean up the solo tone a bit aswell. Other than that, some leveling corrections would make it sound better, great job!

crit mine? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=14290864#post14290864
ha thats funny,

I actually know that story!


the piano really sets a dark mood, accompanied with the melodic guitar parts throught the second verse.

the vocals slide a little flat as previously mentioned,
but I 'm sure you've heard enough of that!

innovative work,
even if the lyrics were'nt original,
I haven't heard a lot of nursery ryhme in songs lately!


the singing is off in the beginning at some points. It sounds really good when the heavy guitar comes in and the lead guitar plays so dont ever change that. In my opinion add something in the beginning, as someone said above it could use something else in it...not that it not good already.
thanks for the crit man. nice production, it sounds pretty clean! the guitar around 1:25ish could come up a bit though. i like the way it progresses, starting off soft, but evolves into an epic piece. loving the solo! the only criticism i can make is the vocals. the rhythm hes singing to needs to be mixed up a bit to make it more interesting. he was slightly out of tune in afew bits, but for the most part he did a pretty good. liked what i heard
This was a dope piece, to be sure. I really love songs like this, where they build over time. To offer an actual criticism, though, I think the singer needs to sing harder as the song goes on. The same tone and feel is maintained throughout the whole song, but it feels like the song's intensity is leaving the singer behind, almost. If that makes any sense.

Crit Mine?