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#1
One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped."The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved."
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Were you by any chance, exposing your scrotum to an open flame?
#8
heres mine:

That sucks
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I hope for a day when circumcised and uncircumcised penises can live together in harmony!


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Cowslayer, I recognize you as the Emperor of the universe. I applaud you in your awesomeness.
#10
Go home.
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PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

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PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

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Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#13
haha yessssssssssssssssssssssss. AWESOME
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The whole muagy thai or whatever crap is just meh to me.
#15
That was ****ing awful.
Please die.
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I've lost my bovine virginity.

I'm not even going to tell you what that means.


I loves bagels!

Proud member of the Trivium fans group
#16
Heres an actually good joke:

There is a woman about 32 years old. One day she goes to the doctor only to find out that she is pregnant. The doctor also informs her that she is having triplets.

So, 7 months later, at 9:00pm she goes shopping at a 7-Eleven. When she is shopping, the store is robbed by a man with a gun. When she gets close to the robber, she is shot 3 times in the stomach, but feels no pain.

So she goes to the Doctor and he informs her that the bullets have all gone into the different babies, but they are not dead. He tells her that if they don't want to interfere with the birth, they just leave them alone.

2 months later, she gives birth to 2 healthy girls and 1 healthy boy.

10 years later, she is sitting on her porch reading when one of her daughters comes up to her and says "Mommy, Mommy, I was peeing and a bullet came out!" So the Mom says "Oh well honey let me explain..."

2 hours later, the other daughter comes out and says the same thing. Them sits here down and explains to her.

Lastly, the boy comes out and says "Mommy, Mommy!" The mother says "Before you say anything, lemme guess..you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The boy replies "No! I was masturbating and I shot the dog!!!"
Quote by MuffinMan
I hope for a day when circumcised and uncircumcised penises can live together in harmony!


Quote by Kensai
Cowslayer, I recognize you as the Emperor of the universe. I applaud you in your awesomeness.
#17
Yeah that sucked some of these are pretty good:


Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
Last edited by therealtater at May 18, 2008,
#18
Hey, I've got one.
Imalius tells everyone a funny joke that he thought he should share with the pit.
#19
Three guys, Joe, Rob, and Steve, were out on a fishing boat, when Joe falls out. Joe does not know how to swim, and sinks to the bottom.

Rob and Steve quickly decide that Rob will dive to the bottom to save their dear friend.

Rob dives into the lake, and surfaces about 30 seconds later with a body. He prepares to perform CPR on the body, but pulls back.

"MAN!!!" says Rob, "I don't remember Joe ever having such bad breath!!! Steve? Do you ever remember Joe having breath this bad???"

"No way!" says Steve,"and I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit either!"
#20
Quote by Imalius
One day in 1999, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was Governor Bush. They let him drown and the world saw 10 years of prosperity and peace
I fixed it guys.
#21
Quote by freedoms_stain
I fixed it guys.


LMAO THATS SUCH A RIOT!!!!! LOLOLOLOLROFFLEWOFFLESLOLLERCOASTER
#22
That joke was crap. It was almost as bad as Mencia.
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R.I.P. George Carlin

May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
#23
Quote by SilenceIsGolden
What has 7 balls and screws old ladies?

The lottery.


Lot less words, and a lot more funny.

Although I DO hate George W. Bush.
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The Pit is a reliable source of information
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My penis is tough. My penis is elite.
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I like Luigi.

His cock is maximum.

Are You a PROG-HEAD? I am.

OPETH RULES.

Member of Åkerfeldtism

My last.fm
#25
2 cannibals are eating a clown.
One of them asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
#28


I am laughing because you felt that that joke deserved to be shared with all of the pit. Overall, it was a terrible joke. However, seeing as I have no better joke to contribute to this thread I can't really do anything else...
#29
Quote by keithmoon15
Three guys, Joe, Rob, and Steve, were out on a fishing boat, when Joe falls out. Joe does not know how to swim, and sinks to the bottom.

Rob and Steve quickly decide that Rob will dive to the bottom to save their dear friend.

Rob dives into the lake, and surfaces about 30 seconds later with a body. He prepares to perform CPR on the body, but pulls back.

"MAN!!!" says Rob, "I don't remember Joe ever having such bad breath!!! Steve? Do you ever remember Joe having breath this bad???"

"No way!" says Steve,"and I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit either!"

I don't get it


"The True Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society"
#30
That joke was a hideous mistake that will ruin your life, scare children and bruise fruit.

Now GTFO my internets.
#32
Quote by CowboyUp
Telling Bush jokes is both original and creative.


Funniest post yet.
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#37
Quote by SilenceIsGolden
What has 7 balls and screws old ladies?

The lottery.


You just convinced me that this thread wasn't a total waste of time.
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I voted 9, cause I would only let my mum give me a handjob...

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SathiaSun for president

Un-Banned! Boy, does it feel great to be back.
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#38
(to ts) haha i lold
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One of my friends said to the principle once,
"NO! The voices tell me not to talk to you!" *Runs away on all fours*
The principle eventually caught up to him and gave him a drug test.
#39
a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.
the giraffe gets piss-ass drunk and passes out.
when the guy tries to leave the bartender calls out "hey! you cant leave that liein' around!"
The guy looks and says "you idiot...thats a giraffe!"

I Phailed you all. im sorry
#40
Quote by Rojam
a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.
the giraffe gets piss-ass drunk and passes out.
when the guy tries to leave the bartender calls out "hey! you cant leave that liein' around!"
The guy looks and says "you idiot...thats a giraffe!"

I Phailed you all. im sorry



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