#1
Audible signals from far away,
lay to rest in a field away,

Calling for a sign of life,
They lay in fields of corn,
eyes fixed at the moon,

Walking through the narrow path,
the birds showing the way,
to the fields were they lay,
go on your way,

unwise, they say,
to seek out the creatures that may,
not be there anyway,

they still call to this day,
in the fields they lay,
but we'll never find them today
Last edited by Deadmen at May 19, 2008,
#2
Your over-fussy punctuation really killed this for me.

Commas at the end of every line trips this up, it never really gets going.

the rhyming grated a bit. I mean, I;m not avert to rhyming myself, but the double away early on, and just the sound, the constant "ays" is a turn off. Makes it sound whiny.

Spice it up a bit more in future writings. Go for some variation; this slowly turned into a tedious nightmare.

Hope I helped.