#1
Another Song I wrote it's about someone having broke up with a girl he wishes her to return and is sad about her leaving ( or whatever) :


Replaced

I watch the stars ascending into the sky
a pale moon is shining clouds are rolling by
deep inside me rests a helpless cry
for the answer is lost, to the question why

Is there someone who can help me now
I seem to have no problems but I don't know how
to find my self-control back not the slightest vow
where art thou?

Give me the answers to set me free
You know they are existential for me
locked in a treasure chest I'm lacking the key
Why hast thou taken my sanity with thee

And at times when I'm alone
have no power left to moan
I thought that I had grown
in your light that formerly shone
Pebble to Stone

I am locked up in a maze
there are others in my place
now and at times I catch a gaze
the expression of your face
seems to daze

Don't you see how I suffer from your attiude
once one of them is speaking I have instantly to mute
if your reason for behaving so are to disillute
you should stop right now , cause the only outcome is dispute

I would turn you back if I had the Might
or the authorization to decide
But I don't have it so I still watch the night
no more enlighted by your light
shining oh so bright
#2
Your explanation of what this was about was completely unnecessary.
It's fairly plain to see.
Most writings about teenage break-ups are fairly similar.
Nothing new or unique here.
Same old boring same old.



Replaced

I watch the stars ascending into the sky
a pale moon is shining clouds are rolling by
deep inside me rests a helpless cry
for the answer is lost, to the question why
A deep feeling of loss and disorientation.

Is there someone who can help me now
I seem to have no problems but I don't know how
to find my self-control back not the slightest vow
where art thou?
A cry for help.

Give me the answers to set me free
You know they are existential for me
locked in a treasure chest I'm lacking the key
Why hast thou taken my sanity with thee
How could you do this to me?

And at times when I'm alone
have no power left to moan
I thought that I had grown
in your light that formerly shone
Pebble to Stone
You were my everything.
Now you've taken away my reason to live.


I am locked up in a maze
there are others in my place
now and at times I catch a gaze
the expression of your face
seems to daze
You left me trapped.
But you've moved on.
btw, the alternation of similar rhymes is dreadful.


Don't you see how I suffer from your attiude
once one of them is speaking I have instantly to mute
if your reason for behaving so are to disillute
you should stop right now , cause the only outcome is dispute
Pity me.

I would turn you back if I had the Might
or the authorization to decide
But I don't have it so I still watch the night
no more enlighted by your light
shining oh so bright
But I still want you!



imho, it this was a waste of your time.
Nobody cares to read this kind of thing.
Unless it's a unique and different story.
This wasn't.
You'd be better off finding something else to write about.
Being able to write a break-up piece that's worth reading
would be a challenge even for a great writer with years of experience.
I'm certain you'll gain more skill as a writer if you choose better subject material.
Meadows
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