#1
This is a rough piece I wrote down an hour or so ago. I'm stuck and need help reinventing it and improving the vocabulary, ryhming and other literay devices throughout. You don't need to know what the song is about, you just need to know the theme, which I hope you can derive from reading it yourselves anyway. Thanks.


Hands Through the Blank Screen

The eyes are turning square
The tear drops show we care
But there's nothing for us to do
But hope he will live it through

The hearts are feeling vile
If only our little mile
Would stop ending before
We could all sit for more

Everyone on their knee's
Even if it meant their plea's
Pray for her and him
The hands through the blank screen

Please bind their sway
The ones who do not pray
You can't deny it forever
That sinking feeling of shame

Keep your fingers moving
Stare until it bleeds
Those eyes of yours
That never shed a tear

Everyone at their screens
No one can tell what this means
Pray for her and him
The hands through the blank screen

Remember him
Like we do our heroes
He was old and full of zeros
So remember him more

Everyone on their knee's
Drink the salt from the seas
Pray for her and him
The hands through the blank screen
#2
sounds good, some rhyming seemed sort of forced though.

"Remember him
Like we do our heroes
He was old and full of zeros
So remember him more"

didnt like that one.