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#1
From Men's Health Magazine:

1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop?"


I do have a bottle opener keychain and I seldom carry much cash. Other than that, I'm pretty good.

Of course, Men's Health is a joke, but this is worth the read.
Death to Ovation haters!
#3
Quote by Craigo
Men's Health are gays anyway, a glance of any cover is evident of that.


Gayer than a british sausage party.
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#5
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.


Beefcake the Mighty is staying Beefcake the Mighty His name stays!
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CFH82, I love you. I didn't laugh, but my god, I love you.

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Holy shit, that was epic. A mighty roar escapeth'd my mouth.

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I saw a penis.

last.fm
#6
LOL. My dad can open bottles with other bottles. It's pretty cool.
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Nothing is stranger than being anonymous.
#7
thank god im not a man then. i have most of them :|
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Best thread name EVER.

Just attack 'em with some pliers dude.



about me XD


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Quote:

I wish I was gay.
#8
#19 - A vagina.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#9
NUMBER ONE: A VAGINA.


How is that not on the list?


EDIT: OMG ME AND YOU ARE TWINZ! ^
<Han> I love Hitler
#10
oh boy, a mens cosmo.

next article: What a man thinks about during sex.
#12
Quote by im_hungry
This is more like 18 Things a Grown Man SHOULD Have.

amen 2 dat bro
RULE BRITANNIA
#13
Is it just me or does 6 sound like something from a really bad self-help book?
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#14
Hmm I'm doing pretty well on those points, but considering I'm 15 that might not be such a good thing
#16
Quote by Typik
oh boy, a mens cosmo.

next article: What a man thinks about during sex.


Sex, probably.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#17
I should add that I read in a book recently that 40% of Men's Helath readers learned everything they know about sex from Men's Health.
Death to Ovation haters!
#18
Quote by break-me-in
Is it just me or does 6 sound like something from a really bad self-help book?

the whole thing does. it is a magazine saying all men should act like this, dress like this, ect. also.
#19
I never carry cash.

I have a beer bottle opener on my keychain.

I have a black eye once in a while. Yes, sometimes grown men like to participate in violent sports.

I love The Big Lebowski.
Hi, I'm Peter
#20
No futons? no less than $20 at all times? Men's health are Bourgeoisie bastards!
#21
we shouldn't have code names for ugly chicks? we should always have an abundance of cash on hand, a fridge FULL of food for when we want to cook for our gf/bring he breakfast in bed? unstamped passports and no bottle opener-keychain? clearly, a woman wrote this.

-I like cheap beer.
-I'm usually pretty strapped for cash, not much in my wallet (mines actually bone dry at the moment)
-I don't always carry a lighter with me, because I don't smoke cigarettes, so I use a BOTTLE OPENER to OPEN BOTTLES
-my passport book is pretty empty. I could travel around europe or something, but my friends are just a 2 minute drive from my house. I like them better.
-I have a futon. It's ****ing awesome.

guess this all means I'm not a real man.
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Sometimes my penis stands up so I rub it and then he gets sick from the rubbing (probably an upset tummy) and throws up ... ...
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Im 18 and ive never had a wet dream. is that normal?
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I used to think that girls only had 2 holes

^sex?
#22
Pfff, they're just jealous that they couldn't come up with any good names for THEIR penis'. Except Shrivelled Mr Stump.
#23
^Yeah, the stuff about always having tonnes of money is just unreasonable. Clearly this was written by a rather selfish woman.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#24
I broke rule 5 three times, rule 6, rule 11, rule 16, and rule 18. looks like im losing some man cards.
Gear:
Modded Steinberger Spirit (white) (SD-AH/EMG Select)
Modded Steinberger GP-2R (white) (EMG81/60)
Peavey XXL head
Hughes and Kettner Cream Machine
Hughes and Kettner Blues Master
#27
That was pathetic, they're describing women. What's wrong with Olympic dreams, and what's wrong with code words. Also do lucky boxers count?
#28

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.
I have 5
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#29
I think the most important thing a grown man should not have is not knowing how to make a cup of coffee or how to bake an egg. Srsly.
I just need about $3.50
(<X.X)O=('.'Q)

I'm the motherflippin'
#30
you are not a man if you don't have this product. women won't do you. so buy it today and women will do you all the time. *followed by full page ad for product*
#31
Quote by kikaykitko
LOL. My dad can open bottles with other bottles. It's pretty cool.


Holy ****. Do tell!
#32
Quote by kikaykitko
LOL. My dad can open bottles with other bottles. It's pretty cool.

A lot of people can do that
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#34
Quote by CrackAddict2000
I think the most important thing a grown man should not have is not knowing how to make a cup of coffee or how to bake an egg. Srsly.

how the **** do you bake an egg?!

also what wrong with a futon seriously?
#36
and of course the next article was

"wake you man up with a blow job" ... oh wait ...

.. how is that in anyway related to mens health though? ... does being an over serious arsehole = being healthy?
My Musical attempts

My youtube music channel

Quote by TOMMYB22
Dammit, beaten to it, and by someone with the same name

CURSE YOU TOMMYT!!!!!!!!!!!!


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I hate tommyt and the high horse which he rides upon
#38
17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.


What about expensive drinking glasses with the logos of over $20 a case beer on them? (mostly German, but also microbrews).


Oh, and its ok for a grown man to have Olympic dreams if he actually has a chance of qualifying for the Olympics. What, do they think Olympians don't dream about competing? You can be an amazing athlete and still not qualify ya know.
#39
Quote by mikko_9119
A lot of people can do that


How?

As someone who loves a good bottle, I feel a n00b for not knowing.
#40
#1; yes, men should avoid black eyes more. great advice, i always went out and tried to get black eyes.
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