#1
So basically I have to write an ending to a story in German. The key is that it needs to be in the imperfect tense (because it's a written story). Here's what I have in English:

Wilfried tried to get up, but his leg was stuck in the tracks. The train was coming at him. He had only seconds left, but he freed his leg just in time. Wilfried climbed off the tracks just as the train went by. After he escaped the train, Wilfried suffered a severe heart attack. An ambulance was able to revive him. As it took him to the hospital, it was hit by a train. Wilfried died instantly.

Here's what I have in German. I simplified some of it, but it's not close to being 100% correct. If you could just tell me what to change to make it right, I'd appreciate it:

Wilfried probierte zu stehen, aber sein Bein war in dem Schienen verklemmte. Der Zug kommt auf ihn. Er hatte nur Sekunden, aber er gab sein Bein frei. Wilfried steigte von dem Schienen. Nach er hat gefliehen hatte Wilfried einen Herzanfall. Ein Krankenwagen belebte ihn. Der Krankenwagen brachte Wilfried zu dem Krankenhaus, aber es wurde von einen Zug geschlagen. Wilfried starb sofort.

Again, any help is appreciated.

Thanks.
#4
Ironic.

Sounds okay to me...
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#5
Sounds pretty good to me
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#6
i don't think "probieren" is used correctly. it certainly means "to try" but not in that sense i don't think.

i'd say just "der Zug kommt."

apart from that, i can't really advise anything else apart from don't use so many commas. german generally doesn't use commas to seperate phrases.
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#7
Quote by ttreat31
An ambulance was able to revive him. As it took him to the hospital, it was hit by a train.


Lol.
#9
Quote by Sol9989
i don't think "probieren" is used correctly. it certainly means "to try" but not in that sense i don't think.

i'd say just "der Zug kommt."

apart from that, i can't really advise anything else apart from don't use so many commas. german generally doesn't use commas to seperate phrases.


Cool, thanks for the advice. As for the commas, I thought you generally always used a comma before "aber"? Is this not the case?

Again, I appreciate the help. Maybe my German isn't as bad as I thought it was lol.
#10
Quote by ttreat31
Cool, thanks for the advice. As for the commas, I thought you generally always used a comma before "aber"? Is this not the case?

Again, I appreciate the help. Maybe my German isn't as bad as I thought it was lol.


i don't think it is the case to use a comma in front of aber, only use them if it's in a set phrase. it's not like english, where we can, pretty much, put commas wherever we like.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#11
In the first sentence, wouldn't it be 'aufstehen'?

I'm probably wrong, I'm only in German 2.
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#12
Okay, and one last thing: instead of "Wilfried probierte..." should it be "Wilfried versuchte..."?

I think versuchen is another word for try, but I don't know if this is in the right context.
#13
you could say:

"willfried was helpless, his leg was caught..."
or
"willfried couldn't do anything, his leg..."

etc.

try to stick to what you know you can say in german rather than thinking in english and then grabbing a dictionary and translating it.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."