#1
Will try to C4C. My black winged dove

A moonlit September
But the sky was grey
I stood on a bridge and watched my dove fly away
She carried a message of life and love
She flew away my black winged dove

Back-track turn away
I lost my black winged dove today
Mirror mirror on the wall
Dictate the rise dictate the fall
Mirror mirror on the wall
The tide will rise as the heads will fall

Dark footed I walk alone
Along the lonely stone
Beside the river we use to walk
In a time when we would still talk

Back-track turn away
I lost my black winged dove today
Mirror mirror on the wall
Dictate the rise dictate the fall
Mirror mirror on the wall
The tide will rise as the heads will fall

Expose the dark star
The dove flew forever far

Back-track turn away
I lost my black winged dove today
Mirror mirror on the wall
Dictate the rise dictate the fall
Mirror mirror on the wall
The tide will rise as the heads will fall
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#2
hmm , it sounds a bit repitive to me also i seems not quite clear what is the chorus or ehat the verse , maybe you could edit that scheme to it , quite cohesivestor y as I read , nice imagery though ... i don't think the rhymes are that developped especailly the repition of wal/fall but that's juut my opinion , the mirror mirror on the wall also reminds me a bit of blind guardian ... could get well if you could maybe add 2 or 3 more stanzas for the verse it's quite short at the moment , also depends on the song this is written for , maybe you could also write some kind of interlude part where the lyrical I reflect on why he has lost his black dove right now it seems a bit kafkaesk
keep it up i migh develop great

Please also crit my Lyric Before the Storm

Thanks in advance
Greymane