#1
Hey UGers, this here is my second commission to UG, some nice crits here would be nice, I'll crit back! Its kinda short, I plan to make the middle part of it into a chorus-type thing that I might repeat. So here we go...


Ah Girl
You know I'd never leave you
Girl
You know I'd always be there

But now
The only thing that keeps me alive at night is the thought

I shot your heart
Blew it apart
Keep all the pieces in a little suitcase
Under my bed
Held together with nothing but
Needles and bobby pins, heartbreak and thread Oh

Why did you have to go?
When are you going to take
Your heart back?
When are you going to take
Your heart back?

Take it away
So far away
So far away I don't feel it
Anymore


[EDIT] By the way, you can hear this song recorded at my band's site at myspace.com/myaugustwinter

(c) nataledante@msn.com 4/2008
Last edited by DanteLord at May 24, 2008,
#5
I like this, and I listened to your recording of it just to make sure I liked it. Hearing that, I think this really fits well into your genre. Love the lyrics, but if you want a little critique of the actual recorded piece, I don't really think the portion of the song with the loud guitars really works. It's such a quiet, ponderous song and that part kinda threw me for a loop. This is a nice piece, though - I look forward to hearing more from you and your band.
and this moment keeps on movin'
we were never meant to hold on.