#1
Crit for Crit.

The Road To Awe

He gazes unto heaven through a painted sky
Peeling away the layers of a decaying life
Beauty lies surrendered with silent grace
Doctors shuffle in they'll take his place
Tearing away the years where cancer grows
Slowly covering, consuming fate

When stars and suns spill across her face
And your reborn in both time and space
To accept death is to embrace the tree
To conflict life is to feed from the flesh
Axes driven by tongues of men
Fall and cleave the virgin skin

In the stone, steel vaults buried deep within your mind
Will you see and understand all your faults in time
To be able to find the seeds of courage along the line
To feel and breath and know the fire fated road
Where her hair and gown once have flowed
Unto the vast river of our souls

#2
i liked this. you rhymed a lot, and i usually hate consistent rhyming, but it didn't really steal anything from the piece. in the second stanza it should say "you're". i'm sorry to comment on a stupid little syntactical thing like that. it's a pet peeve i guess.

the only thing i didn't like was that it was completely abstract-- metaphor after metaphor after image after intangibility. i personally like a piece to be brought home somehow. but that's an entirely subjective thing.

sorry man i'm awful at crits.
#3
Quote by Arthur Curry
i liked this. you rhymed a lot, and i usually hate consistent rhyming, but it didn't really steal anything from the piece. in the second stanza it should say "you're". i'm sorry to comment on a stupid little syntactical thing like that. it's a pet peeve i guess.

the only thing i didn't like was that it was completely abstract-- metaphor after metaphor after image after intangibility. i personally like a piece to be brought home somehow. but that's an entirely subjective thing.

sorry man i'm awful at crits.


Oh I should have noted that it's loosely based on the brilliant film "The Fountain". Part of the film revolves around the tree of life.
#4
i like the rhyming and the overall feeling you present, it doesn't seem to have much momentum at first but it really picks up. good job
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#5
I really liked this. I don't really have much to say other than "good work". There's some nice description in it.


I know that wasn't a great crit, but if you want to check out mine you can.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=14422189#post14422189
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