#3
"You're all a bunch of f*cking idiots"

Should lighten them up.
Quote by Teh Forest King
A kid took a fetal pig during pig dissection, put a napkin on it as a cape, wrote "super pig" on it, then threw it out the window onto the greenhouse below, yelling "super pig, blast off!". He failed the pig lab
#4
"What's the difference between a drummer and a savings bond? One of them will mature and make money"
#6
If you're in a ska band:

"You wanna know how I know you're a ***** [trombonist]?"

"How?"

"Because you blow the bone for money!" (stolen from RBF)
Bands to see before I die:
Iron Maiden
Foo Fighters
Megadeth
Reel Big Fish
Rush
Streetlight Manifesto

Gear:
Epi LP Standard
Washburn Strat
Line 6 Spider (Yes, I know it's bad)

GAS:
Ibanez RG3570Z
Digitech Whammy
#7
You can tell your in *place name* it dosen't suck as bad as *rival place name*...

Relating to the crowd is a key thing hear
#8
If I went to see a band play music and they started telling me jokes, I'd probably throw an egg at them.

People wish to hear music at a show, not some amateur comedian. Unless you're talking about doing stand-up somewhere, in which I'd have to say:
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#11
Quote by Td_Nights
If I went to see a band play music and they started telling me jokes, I'd probably throw an egg at them.

People wish to hear music at a show, not some amateur comedian. Unless you're talking about doing stand-up somewhere, in which I'd have to say:


I would have to disagree with you. The best gigs are ones where the musicians can banter with the crowd, telling jokes and having a laugh. If a band came on, played songs straight with nothing but constant tracks, i would get bored
MYSPACE
MYUG

Quote by lp_std
no idea but your avatar wins
#15
Wip out your bird and start wanking it.

That should get you some attention.
and i sit and wonder, falling under .
#17
Dead Baby jokes?

Or look for an ethnic minority and start doing jokes about them?

I kid i kid
Manchester United Est. 1878

Do you DIG?

Cos I DIG.
#18
Q: How do you get babies into a jar?
A: blender.

Q2: How do you get them out again?
A2: Doritos


Dead baby jokes, everyone loves them.
Quote by boreamor
Ah very good point. Charlie__flynn, you've out smarted me


People
should
smile
more



crit4crit on 'acoustic 1 (with piano)' here



Rate my playing skills please.
#19
Quote by CrowLord
I would have to disagree with you. The best gigs are ones where the musicians can banter with the crowd, telling jokes and having a laugh. If a band came on, played songs straight with nothing but constant tracks, i would get bored

I was at a show on Wednesday night(Champions League final night), and the first band came on in the second period of extra time. They finished a song just as Ronaldo was about to take his penalty, and one of the guitarists says into the mic "he's gonna miss this, just watch". And he did.
#21
Play a slow, romantic song. Find a couple making out and dancing. Harass them a bit - tell the guy "You should marry her, she's pretty hot," etc., etc.
#22
When you introduce yourself and the members of the band, introduce the band first, then say;

"I'm [name here] and im an alcoholic."

In the words of Alan Partridge, "Straight away, you've got 'em by the jaffers."
#23
Quote by invalid_name
Q:what do you call an upside down blonde?
A:a brunette with bad breath.

Why'd you steal my avatar?

Thank you for your support, I'm still wearing it!
#24
Quote by CrowLord
I would have to disagree with you. The best gigs are ones where the musicians can banter with the crowd, telling jokes and having a laugh. If a band came on, played songs straight with nothing but constant tracks, i would get bored



thats what bob dylan did over here, i mean hthey were awesome but it was kinda boring i thought not here one word from bob dylan besides of whe is singing.
Looking for a new sig!
#27
Quote by SupremeACL
If you're in a ska band:

"You wanna know how I know you're a ***** [trombonist]?"

"How?"

"Because you blow the bone for money!" (stolen from RBF)


YES RBF!!!

"hey you..back there...you dropped your pocket.."

or

"After the first 10 minutes, it's gonna be the best show! Trust me."
#29
"What's metal and full of holes? Dimebag Darrel!! HA!"

You may want to deploy flame shield after telling that one.
Quote by redneckrebel
Wow...just wow




A clapstack? My life is complete.
#30
Quote by CrowLord
I would have to disagree with you. The best gigs are ones where the musicians can banter with the crowd, telling jokes and having a laugh. If a band came on, played songs straight with nothing but constant tracks, i would get bored

I'm not saying no crowd interaction at all, because that would be terrible. A joke or two may be fine, but not to where it distracts from the music, or takes up too much time that could've been used to perform.
When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#31
After you do a coupla songs say "Clap real hard if you want us to stop playing".

Then the audience claps.

And you say "Thank you, thank you very much" and play the next song.
#33
Its all about interacting with the audience and your band mates. Don't be silent while your tuning or something, talk to you band mates, have funny stuff skitted out before every show, have good (fairly nonoffensive) jokes to tell the audience
Founder of UG's David Bowie Fan Club. Pm to join.

Founder of UG's "Rockers against being freakishly skinny" Club. PM to join.
#35
Quote by The Spoon
Hey! You guys wanna hear a joke!?

YEAHHHH!!!

*Start playing a song*
Awesome.

"Hey, how do you know if your drummer is knocking on your door? The knocking just keeps getting faster and faster!"
#36
Quote by The Spoon
Hey! You guys wanna hear a joke!?

YEAHHHH!!!

*Start playing i cum blood*


fixed
Quote by alkalineweeman
If by "clean" you mean "get a finger right up in there and do a good bit of spelunking" then i guess "at any given opportunity" is my answer.


mah hardcore band
http://monstersvsaliens.bandcamp.com/
#37
the joke about about the guy who was so lame he had to make up a gig and then ask for jokes for it
#38
Quote by Fred1000000
"What's metal and full of holes? Dimebag Darrel!! HA!"

You may want to deploy flame shield after telling that one.



*hopes no one notices lack-of-sig*

o noez !
we've been spotted.
ruuuuuuuun


my username was a mistake

get used to it.