So i got a whole band together...
minus a vocalist.
The bassist in our band is female and she started
going out with the drummer. After about a week or so
they broke up and now the bassist refuses to be in
the same room as the drummer.
I'm good friends with both of them and they are both
pretty talented musicians.

I was wondering if anybody had tips what I should do.
sleep w/ em...at the same time...
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ummm dont worry... go out with the bassist
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keep whoever is better, then replace the other.

sorry to be an ass, but nothing else will work in the long run.
Just ask them to both act like professional musicians and play together. I mean look at Eric Clapton, he managed to hold Cream together and Ginger Baker had pulled a knife on Jack Bruce (or maybe it was the other way around, either way knifes were pulled). That or find a new bassist or drummer.
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Get a new bassist

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If the drummer isnt acting the same way as the bassist, just kick the bassist out- being that immature relationship wise would be bad for the band. If hes also playing the "i wont even be in the same room with her" game, kick em both out and avoid future drama.
Tell them to stop acting like little kids. They went out for a week? big deal. Tell them to be reasonable, and that they can be mad at each other but you would still like them in your band. If you can keep it together long enough it should just blow over after a while. People are always mad at each other right after they break up, but they get over it.
Y'see? This is why band members shouldn't have personal relationships.
(there was a thread on here a while ago about this very thing and I was adamant that personal relationships within bands is a big no no, several people disagreed.)

Concisus, I'm sorry but the damage has already been done mate, this working relationship between the drummer and the bassist will never be the same again. Possibly in a few years they may be perfectly comfortable enough with each other that they could play together but not anytime soon.
In the meantime, you need musicians you can rely on.
You can either bawl the pair of them out, give 'em a real bollocking, let 'em know just exactly how upset you are with them for putting you in this position and hope that it'll shock 'em into just getting on with it, or you can sack one of them, which really isn't fair because they are both just as guilty, or you can sack 'em both and replace 'em, which would be a major ball ache or you can leave the band, go and put a new one together or even join another band.
i agree with slacker, but if you sack one of them sack only do it if 1 of them is being immature(e.g. the bassist refuses to play but the fdrummer doent).
it really depends on who is causing th problem.
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i agree with slacker, but if you sack one of them sack only do it if 1 of them is being immature(e.g. the bassist refuses to play but the fdrummer doent).
it really depends on who is causing th problem.

Yeah, that's a good point.
In the instance of them both being equaly immature, there's also the 'last in, first out' policy, where the person who's been with the band the longest gets to stay.
But there's no really fair and painless way to do it I'm afraid, anyway you do it, it's gonna suck.

Of course, there is another option Concisus, you could always print this thread off and send 'em both a copy of it with a letter explaining the situation from your point of view and how you feel about it....

.... in which case, I'd just like to leave a message to both your drummer and your bass player;

GROW UP!, stop acting like a couple of primadonnas, swallow your pride and do what needs to be done to sort this situation out amicably.
This ain't no soppy Romeo and Juliet tragic romance story y'know, it's a band, y'hear me? A BAND!!! And it affects more than just you two selfish, sorry arsed, bastards.
Look at what you're doing to poor Concisus and the position you've placed him in.
Is this fair to him? No it isn't and you both damn well know it. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. I know if I was Concisus, I'd tell you both to fu*k off and don't bother calling me again... ever, but he's a nicer guy than I am so consider yourselves lucky.
If either of you were any kind of a real friend to him, or even remotely professionaly minded about being in a band with him, you wouldn't dream of letting your personal problems affect him and the band in this way.
So get your fu*kin' acts together, sort this problem out, stop screwing Concisus around like this and start acting with a little respect for your fellow band members.
Otherwise, I'll come 'round and kick both your arses!

There... that should do it.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at May 26, 2008,
Sack the immature one, if not just rollock at them so they get the message about how upset you feel
As far as I can see they've already broken the golden rule.

Sack them both. Then serious musicians will hear about it and come to you.
They broke up after a *week* and the guy doesn't want to be in the same room as her?

Unless she actually cut his dick off* and threw it out of the window of a moving car, he's an immature little prat. Seriously.

Unless you seriously reckon he's going to become less of an idiot very quickly, get rid of him. Bass players and drummers have to lock together and be able to work off eye contact a lot of the time when jamming or keeping the rhythm, and that's not going to happen if one of them's got any sort of issues about working with the other (and either of them could be the one being uncomfortable).

Personally, I'd say that someone who acts like that is going to be difficult to work with in the future, because if they get like that after every little spat, how are they going to cope when another member of the group annoys them?

Oh, and I think Slack_Babbath has a point about relationships within a group not working unless you're ridiculously lucky...it's like you don't date other people in your office, or living next door to you, because it becomes impossible to avoid the negative consequences which there will inevitably be.

*if any actual dick-chopping occurred, it's fair enough. Just to clarify.
Talk to them both, they are in a band, act like a pro musician, not like little babies in kindergarden.

But if they don't want to act like professionals, then replace one of 'em.
in this case you have to ask yourself many questions:
1) which are more easier to find, drummers or bassists? it depends on the music scene in ur town, if theres loadsa bassists thro urs out same goes for drummers or if both ofem are common replace both ur band members
2) who is more skilled?
3) who is more likely to be immature and cause problems in the future
4) who practices more and takes music more seriously?
5) who helps most during songwriting?
6) This may seem very shallow of e but if you keep the bassist you may risk having the same problem in the future.
7) tell both to grow up (tell them individually) throw out the one who disagrees and if both of them agree and dont keep their word, throw them out.

[(((((((and to what slacker sed about "the 'last in, first out' policy" i would do the opposit because if an old member is disrespectful its MUCH worse than if a new one is: e.g. your drummer has been in the band for 3 years and after THREE BLOODY YEARS he acts like such an arsehole? i would kik him out rather than sum player who joined a month ago and hasnt had time to connect with other yet, if u see wat i mean.)))))))]
Kick them both out, and don't let your band members date. Ever again.

Problem solved.
Since you already have the full band, it would be counter-productive to kick them out.
Use this immature problem as a tool to get them to recognise how good of a leader you can be, a guy worth playing with.
Get the three of you together and just bollock them about it. Helps if your physically bigger than them too. You're all friends, make them see that it's a pointless pissy-fit that isn't going to get anyone anywhere.
LOL i have no expriance of this... but u cud say somethin like look if ur gona **** eachother of the im gona fire u both... so ether shut up and get on with the band... be m8s or wteva or both u get lost!!! hmm tht cud work... if it does tell me ok
Last edited by Wastman666 at May 28, 2008,
if a bands going to be succesful the bass player and drummer have to be tight. They have to work together to be an effective rhythm section. That just cant happen if they don't like each other.
One of them has to go.