#1
my first song, any tips?

When i first met you, i knew you were for me
now with all the days gone by
you may find it hard to see
that i still love you

Looking back, i miss that night
just you and me
together with no fright
and then i loved you

I stood by your side
you stood by mine
we stood the tide
unjustly denied
by false friends foes
who shouldnt care where i go

the summer comes again
where did you go?
you were my closest friend
and i loved you
#2
Quote by GrungeJunkie
my first song, any tips?

When i first met you, i knew you were for me
now with all the days gone by
you may find it hard to see
that i still love you

Looking back, i miss that night
just you and me
together with no fright
this line seems forced
and then i loved you

I stood by your side
you stood by mine
we stood the tide
i get what youre setting up, but its an overuse of 'stood'
unjustly denied
by false friends foes
youre trying the rhyme too far. false friends foes would imply to someone listening, that these are foes OF the false friends
who shouldnt care where i go
odd. you havent set up where youre 'going'

the summer comes again
where did you go?
you were my closest friend
and i loved you


dont get me wrong, its a great first effort man. keep em comin
~b
#3
Quote by ChordMonger
dont get me wrong, its a great first effort man. keep em comin
~b


thanks for the tips! ill try to improve it.