#1
It's very sobering to wake up, stare at your own reflection in grotesque fascination, and have no idea who you are.

Why can't it (ever) be the same? (again)
It makes me feel.
'Memento mori' etched out in black ink,
But I already knew that
And we oscillate
Between love and hate.

See, it wasn't my choice.
It struck me by surprise.
And it's so tragic
So.

Ignorance is bliss
I concur.

But when you're nice,
You're nice.
And when you make me happy,

What do you want?
What do I want?
Odd world. Loopy contradictions
Sick irony - black humour.

i want.
it to be straightforward.
knowing that it won't ever be.
i lie deep in muddy waters
drenched in regret
and (personal) failure.
so far out - out of touch
i must have been
Stuttering.

i want.
to hold you tight
to hell with the world
they can't touch us
if we were what i wanted us to be.

So it's a song for MJ.
That I promised.
It's not quite ready.
And it's pretty damn chronic
But, yes.

Hold me tight
Through the night
Babe.
Last edited by Time Seller at May 27, 2008,
#2
These are some pretty awkward lyrics.

But I guess it's going for a psychedelic feel?

If so then I'm sure with the right music it would be pretty sweet.

But Honestly... It makes less sense everytime I read it. Record it or something, and when you do, message me. I'm curious to hear this.
#3
Quote by MandieMyztic
These are some pretty awkward lyrics.

But I guess it's going for a psychedelic feel?

If so then I'm sure with the right music it would be pretty sweet.

But Honestly... It makes less sense everytime I read it. Record it or something, and when you do, message me. I'm curious to hear this.


I haven't written the music for it yet. A very random OTS piece.

You know what, try re-reading it one last time. And bear in mind that:
1. I'm writing a song about how I feel for MJ. And I'm not sure how I feel anymore. It varies, changes between love and hate and sadness and stuff.
2. She pretty much goes through the same thing. Except switch love with 'like'. And sadness with 'being turned on'. And throw into the mix the presence of an ex-boyfriend with who no one can match up to.

I'm blabbering. But thanks. A lot.
#6
Quote by Time Seller
It's very sobering to wake up, stare at your own reflection in grotesque fascination, and have no idea who you are.

Why can't it (ever) be the same? (again)
It makes me feel.
'Memento mori' etched out in black ink,
But I already knew that
And we oscillate
Between love and hate.
Don't know the flow, so it feels kinda weak. If you're going to change this, keep the last three lines.

See, it wasn't my choice.
It struck me by surprise.
And it's so tragic
So.

Ignorance is bliss
I concur.
First line is cliche, second line is forced and has no real meaning. You wrote the first line because you meant it. Don't use half a line to say you agree with yourself.

But when you're nice,
You're nice.
And when you make me happy,
The sentence just stops abruptly. I would change it to "But when you're nice / You make me happy."

What do you want?
What do I want?
Odd world. Loopy contradictions
Sick irony - black humour.

i want.
it to be straightforward.
Feels a little awkward that you start a line with the word "it". If I understand the meaning of the song, I'd replace "straightforward" with "settled", or something like it.
knowing that it won't ever be.
i lie deep in muddy waters
drenched in regret
and (personal) failure.
so far out - out of touch
i must have been
Stuttering.

i want.
to hold you tight
to hell with the world
they can't touch us
if we were what i wanted us to be.

So it's a song for MJ.
That I promised.
It's not quite ready.
And it's pretty damn chronic
But, yes.

Hold me tight
Through the night
Babe.
Get rid of the word babe. First you're a poet, now you're a surfer dude. It's just so wierd by itself.


Overall, I thought that it's an interesting concept, to switch between love and hate. Try this: Use the chorus as a refrain-like relapse. Every chorus, you come crawling back to her, despite the logic presented in the verse, which would develop her character... just a thought.