#1
I'm really not depressed, I just have this friend that told me I should write an "emo" song, so I wrote one in first person. Haha, crits are good.

Hopeless

I woke up, and I met myself,
it made me sad, because I was someone else,
and with a frown, I brought this upon myself,
I abandoned me, and left me on a shelf.

I am…hopeless.

I am going, no where really fast,
I’m draining quick, I will never last,
My life was great, now its overcast,
My time has come, and its about to pass.

I am…hopeless.

I don’t know, where I am today,
People often ask, if I am ok,
I realize, that its my time to pay,
I pick a place, for my corpse to lay.

I am…hopeless.

I cry out, in a summer night,
I am not okay, I am not alright,
I cannot see, any signs of light,
The end is near, it is within my sight.

I am…hopeless.

With tears, flowing from my eyes,
I give up, and I see the sky,
Its hard to live, when you just wanna cry,
Saying nothing’s wrong, would be a total lie.

I am…hopeless.
I am…hopeless.
-Fender '52 Reissue Tele
-1964 Kimberly electric
-Jay Turser Jazzbox
-Takamine acoustic
-Dano Hodad
-SuperCrybaby
-Dano Coolcat Chorus
-Big Muff
-Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Quote by powerhalf
Please forgive what maybe a noob question, but: What is an "FU"?
#2
damm why can everyone on UG go soo deep!
Yoda i be!

Quote by lzrdsixsix6
its so much funner doing it with friends tho...........like masturbation

Quote by GrayFoxz
With your post, the pit has its rightful name - the pit, the most lowest place on earth, after a 100 feet of earth and 200 feet of sh|t .
#3
Quote by flinny-tar
damm why can everyone on UG go soo deep!


sarcasm?
-Fender '52 Reissue Tele
-1964 Kimberly electric
-Jay Turser Jazzbox
-Takamine acoustic
-Dano Hodad
-SuperCrybaby
-Dano Coolcat Chorus
-Big Muff
-Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Quote by powerhalf
Please forgive what maybe a noob question, but: What is an "FU"?
#4
This song would be a lot better if you changed

I woke up and met myself it made me sad

to

I woke up and wet myself it made me sad
#5
Quote by HEXAGRAM66
This song would be a lot better if you changed

I woke up and met myself it made me sad

to

I woke up and wet myself it made me sad


lol
-Fender '52 Reissue Tele
-1964 Kimberly electric
-Jay Turser Jazzbox
-Takamine acoustic
-Dano Hodad
-SuperCrybaby
-Dano Coolcat Chorus
-Big Muff
-Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Quote by powerhalf
Please forgive what maybe a noob question, but: What is an "FU"?
#6
Well. It seems like a very honost and thoughfull lyric. Looks like you have some kinda rythm in your head for it.
Regarding to the name of the thread, you're pretty much making your point!
Quote by zadzior
Sir, Awesome stuff. You have my respect!
Quote by neon-black
aw i love your song! sell it n' it would deffo be a smash!
Quote by veggiederek
this is great. you've got the words!
Quote by kiaraiswicked
... Wauw... It really paints a picture and leaves the rest up to the imagination!
#7
the main problem with this is you tried to set the rhyming up like this

AAAA BBBB CCCC

and that causes a LOT of forced rhyming which you have a lot of. This is a great topic but i think it would benefit you if you changed the rhyming to something easier that will cause less forcful stuff

crit mine? in my sig, thanks
#8
thanks
-Fender '52 Reissue Tele
-1964 Kimberly electric
-Jay Turser Jazzbox
-Takamine acoustic
-Dano Hodad
-SuperCrybaby
-Dano Coolcat Chorus
-Big Muff
-Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Quote by powerhalf
Please forgive what maybe a noob question, but: What is an "FU"?