#1
This is a poem I wrote titled Enlightened. Feel free to criticize and make additions/changes.

Still alive, but I have died,
died off and been reborn,
shedding of practice,
shunned, trashed, and torn,
rejected by the "norm."

Hypocritically judged from onslaughts of places,
apathetic to the gored, thorn crowned faces,
my faith, was pinned and nailed behind a cross,
but my new life, with this all my trust.

Enlightened to a new degree,
a new degree of faith,
no longer following His dying face,
his falsetto grace.

No longer a slave to whom most love,
no longer a servant to the "Lord above,"
No longer an insect beneath God's feet,
No longer an experiment, no longer in defeat.

Why don't you just admit,
you're still a slave?
A follower of an invisible deity,
not knowing how to follow,
because you're not being led,
you're being misguided.

Enlightened to a new degree,
a new degree of trust,
now I am enlightened,
and now I'm at rest.
#2
I'm sorry you feel that way. The poem is put together well and has a great flow, but the feeling you put behind it makes me sad. I know it's hard to follow God and a lotta times it seems like he's not there but when you get to know him better, he's so amazing
Last edited by xxbobsfolderxx at May 27, 2008,
#3
I like the way you have written your poem, but the title can't be right. When your enlightened, you are seen the truth of something in a non mysterious way. It is profound but usually something that is good for you. The loss of God is not mysterious. It is not something good. It certainly is profound but it holds no wealth for you in the future.
Great poem... just read the Bible. Read this one Scripture. Revelation 21:4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."