#1
I started just writing, and it poured out of me, but I can't seem to arrange it. I was going for a Sunny Day Real Estate/Cursive kind of thing. Can you help? Here are the lyrics. Feel free to help pick out a chorus and stuff. I don't care. Do NOT criticize the writing, because I KNOW it's not great.

Here
In your arms
In my room
It's the only time i really feel a--
live, up on stage
Turn the page
It's just a day in the life of an average boy in love
All alone
I'm at home
thinking of you and all your friends
if I
could catch a break
Maybe I'd make this the best day of my life


You say
"you won't amount to shti"
I say, i'll stand on top of it all
Look up at me, you wait and see
which of us is the first to fall

back down, to earth, there's no more room for mirth
and we, transcend, there's no beginning to this end
but every end, has a start, a slap in the face and a knife in the heart
if i could give, you could take
but my kindness is yet to awake.
Maybe i just fake its
#2
Quote by anarchomaniac
I started just writing, and it poured out of me, but I can't seem to arrange it. I was going for a Sunny Day Real Estate/Cursive kind of thing. Can you help? Here are the lyrics. Feel free to help pick out a chorus and stuff. I don't care. Do NOT criticize the writing, because I KNOW it's not great.

Here
In your arms
In my room
It's the only time i really feel a--
live, up on stage
Turn the page
It's just a day in the life of an average boy in love
All alone
I'm at home
thinking of you and all your friends
if I
could catch a break
Maybe I'd make this the best day of my life


You say
"you won't amount to shti"
I say, i'll stand on top of it all
Look up at me, you wait and see
which of us is the first to fall

back down, to earth, there's no more room for mirth
and we, transcend, there's no beginning to this end
but every end, has a start, a slap in the face and a knife in the heart
if i could give, you could take
but my kindness is yet to awake.
Maybe i just fake its

here in my room
in your arms
back down, to earth, there's no more room for mirth
and we, transcend, there's no beginning to this end
but every end, has a start, a slap in the face and a knife in the heart
if i could give, you could take
but my kindness is yet to awake.
Maybe i just fake its
the only time i really feel a--
live, up on stage
Turn the page
You say
"you won't amount to shti"
I say, i'll stand on top of it all
Look up at me, you wait and see
I'm at home
thinking of you and all your friends
if I
could catch a break
You say
"you won't amount to shti"
I say, i'll stand on top of it all
Look up at me, you wait and see
which of us is the first to fall!!!!!!!!!
if I
could catch a break
Maybe I'd make this the best day of my life.....

yeah um since i dont know how you would play it but i did the best i could.lol
its a nice song for your next girlfriend!!


Maybe I'd make this the best day of my life

which of us is the first to fall

It's just a day in the life of an average boy in love!!!!!
#3
Thanks, very much.
Can someone critique this? Keep in mind i didn't edit it, and it was written by myself, a 13 year old.
Last edited by anarchomaniac at May 27, 2008,
#4
Quote by anarchomaniac
Thanks, very much.
Can someone critique this? Keep in mind i didn't edit it, and it was written by myself, a 13 year old.


Congratz on being 13, I guess that makes 2 of us.

EDIT: I don't really know how to critique so I'll just say that I like it (because i do)
#5
Thanks a lot, man. I do realize I'll write a few crappy songs before I write a really good one. I will have to tweak this a bit.