#1
This was from way too long ago, and it probably sounds it. I found it while I was packing.


I feel so high now
I could fly
Stretch those wings and touch the sky
I feel so low now
No one knows
How even I/ don't know how / I get through the day
But soon I know/ that I'll see you
My angel, my only one

Pre - Chorus:

Don't find me, I'm too embarassed to be seen
Hide me, kept away in your worst dream

Chorus:

Smile at me, smile at her
Don't take me, you don't deserve
Someone like me/ cheap *****
Scum you'd find on the floor
Believe me, you can do much better

I feel so right now
I know you're mine
I'm all you see, and same with me
But it could feel so wrong now,
If I really stop and think...
How they're always watching us/waiting for me
me to slip up / and down into the cracks / while
they pounce on you behind my back
They all want you, I know it
My angel, my only one

(Pre-Chorus/Chorus)

I feel so hot now
Constantly nervous
But all the same enthralled in passion
But wait! A cold flash
It stretches across my cheeks
My eyes burn with blue fire/ and I wonder if you're
here for me / and not what I can give you / but
all the same if you're wrong for me why do I love you?
My angel, my only one

(Pre-Chorus/Chorus)

I feel so sad now
No longer for this world and my miniature role in the play
I should have held back / I see why you'd leave
But I know I'll never forget you
So I think I'll leave too
And I'll sleep with the happy memory of us together
My angel, my only one, my forever.

(Pre-chorus)
#3
Very difficult to get the flow of the song. I liked the repitition of the "I feel so ..... right now" kinda vibe. You scared me by saying "I feel so high right now"... I thought you were some druggie.
Hammer out some of those lines, try and enforce a stricter meter to it. Lines that seem okay will have alot more power if they flow right (just look at Nirvana).
#5
No druggie... just in a weird state of love-paranoia. Thanks for the advice.
#6
not bad, it does sound like a druggie tho lol kinda drew me in to read to it

mines in my sig please crit it