#1
This is a power metal song I wrote inspired by Blind Guardian's Harvest of Sorrow most of all but also by their the Bard's song (in the forest), Demons & Wizards' Fiddler on the Green, It is a ballad songish thing (like all the examples). Please crit I'll do C4C As long as u dont complain about their being no definite rhyming scheme cause their is somewhat and I dont care anyways

This song is about how war is not right and will eventually bring the end of us all.

After the Carnage:

Dawn has struck, the morning comes
Creeping over the black horizon
Bringing light to a once dark world
Ridding the lands of the nocturnal evil
Illuminating the crimson stained bodies
So much death when the sun won't shine
The mindless violence of one race
But in hatred there is no line
So we must draw the line in the blood stained sand
Fighting for peace we make our last stand

CHORUS:
Up against unbeatable odds
We must fight to prove what's right
After the carnage our point must be made
Why must we fight to prove that we're right?
The line has faded from the sand

It's always night when death never ends
The dawn will come to a peaceful world
In lands unknown, pure joy will be found
While we run in circles on the wheels of war
Blinded, we lose sight for the search of the dawn
Running from the sun, we must live in dark
Our world will keep crumbling 'til we've all killed another
All that is left is a sinful world
So we must draw the line before eternal night
Fighting for peace, renewed search of the light

CHORUS:
Up against unbeatable odds
We must fight to prove what's right
After the carnage our point must be made
Why must we fight to prove that we're right?
The dawn may never be found

Wondering what we did, Why must we pay for our sins? --- Note: the first two lines would be a
We shall pray for light, while we curse the gods in spite ---chant to represent all the people
Our battles lost and only the war won in the end --------------who wanted war
The line is gone as is the light

So pleas crit but not before you've read the whole thing or it prolly wont make sense to you and alot of it is metaphors in case you couldn't pick that out and think I was literally talking about sunlight.
Last edited by Mate.Feed.Kill. at May 28, 2008,
#3
I actually thought the opposite - power metal is hard to pull off without being cheesy, but I felt I could read this and take it seriously, which is a great thing. Some of the images were v.interesting.

My particular favourite lines were - "we must draw the line in the blood stained sand", and "While we run in circles on the wheels of war".

I can't really think of much to criticise, I think it works as it stands.

Here's mine if you get time - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=871615