Page 1 of 2
#1
Yes ! this is a rant but, please read it and laugh at my misfortunes.

O.K. so I get invited to an old friends wedding reception bout 2 weeks ago ,known the guy for 12 years, only got an invite to the reception, wtf?. Anyway, I decide I'll be the bigger man and go to the party and not mention it. So I rock up to the party running late as usual (this is a tactical ploy :- most people are drunk by now and drunk revelers always want to by you a drink, bonus). I get in and offer my congrats to the bride and groom, see a lot of friendly faces and everythings hugs and kisses. A little while later I'm recieving free pint of lager no.5 and hey this party is looking alright. It's now after 12 o'clock and I'm standing at the bar talking to my buds girlfriend as she orders a bottle of wine for the girls, only for the bartender to tell her that they were out of the normal bottles they had been drinking, but they had 1 large bottle left. She says "I'll need to get more money from my bag" I say "It's O.K. I'll buy this one for the ladies" the bartender says "that'll be £42.75" and as I put my, hey! no problem smile on, my testicles roll down my trouser leg and out the door shouting back at me "It's O.K. you've just been screwed once tonight you probably wont need us again". As I pay up and get the obligatory peck on the cheek from her and the "you daft wanker" look from the barman I realise my testicles are right , cause every girl at that table who will be drinking said wine has a boyfriend/husband. F*********k. "Hey Alex, d'ya want another pint", came a friendly voice. "No, I want a double f***ing whisky" came my reply. After that we see the bride and groom off and the party moves to one of my friends pads. It was a plush little abode filled with about 25 of my most drunk friends and friends of friends.I should probably mention here that there is a shed in the back garden. Why the f**k are you talking about a shed I hear you ask. It's because this is a special shed , for smoking . It's also kitted out with chair, sofa, heater and P.C. for playing tunes (and porn I have been told from reliable sources). Ever seen a dozen people crammed into a smoke filled shed ? I have,-------- several times. Don't get me wrong I'm not a big "smoker" in fact thats the first time in years (but I swear I never inhaled mom ). Anyways, the party went on in a haze until about 5.30am and I'm sure I said to several people I was working at 10am in the hope they'd be sensible and send me home. NEVER HAPPEN. Got to bed about 6am and managed to set the alarm for 9.30am. Not bad huh. BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!. Stagger, Shower , brush teeth/Spew (that brings back memories) look in mirror. WHOAAA! I didn't know eyes could be that blood shot, isn't their supposed to be some white in there. Get dressed, call taxi. Not bad' I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late. Wait a minute where are the shops keys? .???????? I left them in my jacket. where's my jacket? .??????????? It's in my car.where's my f***ing car .??????? I took it to the reception last night. F*************k. Hello, Mr taxi driver would you please take me on a 10 mile trip to my car then take me to work cause I still cant drive it as I'm barely able to talk. Sure no problem Alex that'll be £26 thank you. Yep I'm gonna be very late for work, but it's no problem the boss only ever appears before 11.30am once in a blue moon. And as the taxi rounds the corner to the shop. Well smack my ass! I guess the moon must be bluer than a hidden porn stash (On a P.C, In a shed). He's here, and he's brought the van. WHY IS THE VAN HERE?. We never use the van on saturdays unless their is a delivery and there were no deliveries sheduled for today. I am getting a bad feeling are you, guess who drives the van?. That's right ME. As I exit the taxi and head for the shop I get about 5 feet from the door and Willie the traffic warden pops out from behind the van. "you better move the van before you get a ticket" he says, "O.k. Willie give us a minute" I grumble and go inside.I get to the office door, it's locked. "Hey! you gotta move the van before you get booked" I shout through the door, "You move it" came the reply. Me-"I' can't". Boss- "What do you mean you can't" Me - "I' mean I can't". Boss -"What do you mean" Me -(starting to get pissed at talking to the door)"open the f***ing door will ya". He opens the door and sees exactly why. "Jesus! look at the state of you" rang in my ears with angry harmonics. Now theres a long pause as I take of my jacket and start fumbling in the fileing cabinet for some reason and he sits at his desk. "You really have to move the van before you get a fine" I said, and with that he launched into a tirade about me coming to work in such a state, this lasted a couple of minutes during which the red mist was decending over my already bloodshot eyes. Yep, thats enough, my turn, I slammed the cabinet door shut which stopped him in his tracks. I let him have it with the volume kranked. It only lasted about thirty seconds, reminding him that I ran the damn place when he wasn't there which was about 70% of the time and the amount of times he'd come in still wrecked from the night before. I finished with "screw this, I'm going home" and strode out of the office. I was getting close to the front door as I heard him shout "I was only joking with you, don't take it so seriously" trying to backtrack. My reply was short but oh so sweet "na boss, stick it". And with that I was out the door and face to face with Willie. He motioned to speak but I cut him short." just book him" I said and made my way home.
So thats the main part of my story but, I did say that this happened about 2 weeks ago.
I'll try to fill you in up to now quickly.Since then I've had a serious infection in my jaw which started during a bank holiday here which means treatment was virtually non existant until it was so bad they could only give me anti-biotics to reduce the swelling infection. Now the swellings down the they won't fix the problem, they told me to re-register with a dentist. Cost = £50 (thats a deposit for work to be done). Thank F**k for strong painkillers.
I also thought I was doing a good deed by offering to sell my old car to a young family member who just passed his test. Spent £185 to fix it up and even put him on my insurance for a month and told him to use the car for a couple of weeks to see how he liked it. I offered it to him at a big discount to what it was worth.This was about the same time as the party and he's been sayin yeah! I love it, I'm gonna take it.Spoke to his mom today, she says he doesn't want it. WTF?

This Is My Main Gripe

2 weeks ago New Guitar + Gear Fund £600

Now New Guitar + Gear Fund £265 and Falling

F******************************************************k

So what do ya think u.g.ers
am I to be comiserated with or flamed.
Psst ! The fat man walks alone.
Gear :
Modded Strat w/ Iron Gear Pup's

Marshall JCM 2000 - DSL 401

Boss GT-10
#4
I would say drinking would be your issue, not the universe. I like the universe, quit bein mean. I'm taking a break from a China report, I have some time.
Last edited by ThePeacefrog at May 28, 2008,
#5
tl;dr
Now it's 1984
Knock knock at your front door
It's the suede denim secret police
They have come for your un-cool niece
#8
Quote by metaldud536
That is the biggest wall of text ever.

I think this one deserves an award of some kind.
#9
That's two weeks of my life turning to sh*t. Is it really to long
Psst ! The fat man walks alone.
Gear :
Modded Strat w/ Iron Gear Pup's

Marshall JCM 2000 - DSL 401

Boss GT-10
#11
Paragraphs are your friend.
Quote by FireandFlames
Your weak mind just cannot comprehend the intense level of awesome that Pokemon is at.
#12
Quote by klaf5
Is it really to long

Yes
When a man lies he murders some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home?
#15
Quote by klaf5
Yes ! this is a rant but, please read it and laugh at my misfortunes.

O.K. so I get invited to an old friends wedding reception bout 2 weeks ago ,known the guy for 12 years, only got an invite to the reception, wtf?. Anyway, I decide I'll be the bigger man and go to the party and not mention it. So I rock up to the party running late as usual (this is a tactical ploy :- most people are drunk by now and drunk revelers always want to by you a drink, bonus). I get in and offer my congrats to the bride and groom, see a lot of friendly faces and everythings hugs and kisses. A little while later I'm recieving free pint of lager no.5 and hey this party is looking alright. It's now after 12 o'clock and I'm standing at the bar talking to my buds girlfriend as she orders a bottle of wine for the girls, only for the bartender to tell her that they were out of the normal bottles they had been drinking, but they had 1 large bottle left. She says "I'll need to get more money from my bag" I say "It's O.K. I'll buy this one for the ladies" the bartender says "that'll be £42.75" and as I put my, hey! no problem smile on, my testicles roll down my trouser leg and out the door shouting back at me "It's O.K. you've just been screwed once tonight you probably wont need us again". As I pay up and get the obligatory peck on the cheek from her and the "you daft wanker" look from the barman I realise my testicles are right , cause every girl at that table who will be drinking said wine has a boyfriend/husband. F*********k. "Hey Alex, d'ya want another pint", came a friendly voice. "No, I want a double f***ing whisky" came my reply. After that we see the bride and groom off and the party moves to one of my friends pads. It was a plush little abode filled with about 25 of my most drunk friends and friends of friends.I should probably mention here that there is a shed in the back garden. Why the f**k are you talking about a shed I hear you ask. It's because this is a special shed , for smoking . It's also kitted out with chair, sofa, heater and P.C. for playing tunes (and porn I have been told from reliable sources). Ever seen a dozen people crammed into a smoke filled shed ? I have,-------- several times. Don't get me wrong I'm not a big "smoker" in fact thats the first time in years (but I swear I never inhaled mom ). Anyways, the party went on in a haze until about 5.30am and I'm sure I said to several people I was working at 10am in the hope they'd be sensible and send me home. NEVER HAPPEN. Got to bed about 6am and managed to set the alarm for 9.30am. Not bad huh. BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!. Stagger, Shower , brush teeth/Spew (that brings back memories) look in mirror. WHOAAA! I didn't know eyes could be that blood shot, isn't their supposed to be some white in there. Get dressed, call taxi. Not bad' I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late. Wait a minute where are the shops keys? .???????? I left them in my jacket. where's my jacket? .??????????? It's in my car.where's my f***ing car .??????? I took it to the reception last night. F*************k. Hello, Mr taxi driver would you please take me on a 10 mile trip to my car then take me to work cause I still cant drive it as I'm barely able to talk. Sure no problem Alex that'll be £26 thank you. Yep I'm gonna be very late for work, but it's no problem the boss only ever appears before 11.30am once in a blue moon. And as the taxi rounds the corner to the shop. Well smack my ass! I guess the moon must be bluer than a hidden porn stash (On a P.C, In a shed). He's here, and he's brought the van. WHY IS THE VAN HERE?. We never use the van on saturdays unless their is a delivery and there were no deliveries sheduled for today. I am getting a bad feeling are you, guess who drives the van?. That's right ME. As I exit the taxi and head for the shop I get about 5 feet from the door and Willie the traffic warden pops out from behind the van. "you better move the van before you get a ticket" he says, "O.k. Willie give us a minute" I grumble and go inside.I get to the office door, it's locked. "Hey! you gotta move the van before you get booked" I shout through the door, "You move it" came the reply. Me-"I' can't". Boss- "What do you mean you can't" Me - "I' mean I can't". Boss -"What do you mean" Me -(starting to get pissed at talking to the door)"open the f***ing door will ya". He opens the door and sees exactly why. "Jesus! look at the state of you" rang in my ears with angry harmonics. Now theres a long pause as I take of my jacket and start fumbling in the fileing cabinet for some reason and he sits at his desk. "You really have to move the van before you get a fine" I said, and with that he launched into a tirade about me coming to work in such a state, this lasted a couple of minutes during which the red mist was decending over my already bloodshot eyes. Yep, thats enough, my turn, I slammed the cabinet door shut which stopped him in his tracks. I let him have it with the volume kranked. It only lasted about thirty seconds, reminding him that I ran the damn place when he wasn't there which was about 70% of the time and the amount of times he'd come in still wrecked from the night before. I finished with "screw this, I'm going home" and strode out of the office. I was getting close to the front door as I heard him shout "I was only joking with you, don't take it so seriously" trying to backtrack. My reply was short but oh so sweet "na boss, stick it". And with that I was out the door and face to face with Willie. He motioned to speak but I cut him short." just book him" I said and made my way home.
So thats the main part of my story but, I did say that this happened about 2 weeks ago.
I'll try to fill you in up to now quickly.Since then I've had a serious infection in my jaw which started during a bank holiday here which means treatment was virtually non existant until it was so bad they could only give me anti-biotics to reduce the swelling infection. Now the swellings down the they won't fix the problem, they told me to re-register with a dentist. Cost = £50 (thats a deposit for work to be done). Thank F**k for strong painkillers.
I also thought I was doing a good deed by offering to sell my old car to a young family member who just passed his test. Spent £185 to fix it up and even put him on my insurance for a month and told him to use the car for a couple of weeks to see how he liked it. I offered it to him at a big discount to what it was worth.This was about the same time as the party and he's been sayin yeah! I love it, I'm gonna take it.Spoke to his mom today, she says he doesn't want it. WTF?

This Is My Main Gripe

2 weeks ago New Guitar + Gear Fund £600

Now New Guitar + Gear Fund £265 and Falling

F******************************************************k

So what do ya think u.g.ers
am I to be comiserated with or flamed.

All in all you're just, another word in the walllllll
Our hearts are with Nick Grundy.
Quote by Ez0ph
I think AvengedThrice is pretty cool guy, eh raeps kittens to death and doesn't afraid of anything.

He knows me well..
#16
I tried reading it. Breaking it into paragraphs would be great. I suggest an edit perhaps? Trust me, it will be worth it. A lot more people would actually read it.
#17
Oh wah, you lost some money you were trying to save for gear... you're life is f*cking ruined now :0
Quote by Ylasto
R.I.P Ean.

Are there any other members of Lynyrd Skynyrd who are dead?
#18
I read the whole thing.

Only because I'm bored about it's half 3 in the morning.
#19
I am amazed I read all that. And all I can say is, life sucks. I won't say get over it though, because we all have times in our lives where we need a good long rant, but what I will say is your curse words are far too long and I have yet to figure out what they are.
My Rig:

Guitars:
Schecter C-1 Classic (Deep Sea Green)
Jackson DK2M Snow White Edition
BC Rich Mockingbird Special X

Amps:
Mesa Boogie Express 5:50 212
Roland Microcube

RIP Kevin Robert Swerdfiger
September 15 1991 - May 16 2008
#20
Then don't read it you lazy F**ks, but why comment without reading
Psst ! The fat man walks alone.
Gear :
Modded Strat w/ Iron Gear Pup's

Marshall JCM 2000 - DSL 401

Boss GT-10
#23
Wow dude I actually read all of that ****, and Kudos to you man! That was alot of **** you went through...
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I suggest you select the least popular of the woman-creatures, and fart directly in her face.
#25
Quote by klaf5
That's two weeks of my life turning to sh*t. Is it really to long
Yes. And I wrote better than that when I was eight. So yeah, the universe has ****ed you over.
#27
Basically:

Goes to Wedding Party disgruntled, attempts to get pussy by buying overpriced wine, fails at doing so. Goes out back to shed where there is lots of reefer. Gets high, takes a Taxi to work, meter maid says "move yo ****". Our friend is too high, so he tells the boss to, then leaves, "****" is still there, tells meter maid to give the boss a ticket. Goes home, gets jaw infection, types up wall of text on UG, end.
Gear:
Ibanez RG7321 Seven String
Epiphone Iommi Signature SG
Digitech Scott Ian Black 13
VOX Valvetronix AD100VTH
Laney 4x12 w/Celestion 50s
#28
I read the whole thing

I really wish that I hadn't
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
Quote by The Madcap
[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

Quote by Kensai

Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

Quote by Dirge Humani
Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

FUCK ROCKS!
#29
holy ****..thats a huge wall of ranting bulging text!
Quote by Wrst_Plyr_Evr
I beat my wife








Beating yea bi
#31
The last couple of sentences suck, but the whole party thing is your own doing not the universe. All of that was your fault no one elses. Ive done stupid **** when i drunk but i dont blame other people for it. And i agree an award is in order.
#32
Quote by metaldud536
Bah. Anyways, if you take his post and turn it sideways, you could possible defend China.


I doubt it. The Mongolians can break through anything if they tried.
#33
Quote by Dog454
Basically:

Goes to Wedding Party disgruntled, attempts to get pussy by buying overpriced wine, fails at doing so. Goes out back to shed where there is lots of reefer. Gets high, takes a Taxi to work, meter maid says "move yo ****". Our friend is too high, so he tells the boss to, then leaves, "****" is still there, tells meter maid to give the boss a ticket. Goes home, gets jaw infection, types up wall of text on UG, end.


Thanks for the summary! Sounds like a mix of bad luck and poor decisions.
#34
Quote by first_aid
Wow, thats what I call a ****ty month. In home vacation time!


Definately, me , my guitar, and amp
Psst ! The fat man walks alone.
Gear :
Modded Strat w/ Iron Gear Pup's

Marshall JCM 2000 - DSL 401

Boss GT-10
#35
Quote by klaf5
That's two weeks of my life turning to sh*t. Is it really to long


I think I know what would make you feel better.
Now it's 1984
Knock knock at your front door
It's the suede denim secret police
They have come for your un-cool niece
#36
Quote by klaf5
Yes ! this is a rant but, please read it and laugh at my misfortunes.

O.K. so I get invited to an old friends wedding reception bout 2 weeks ago ,known the guy for 12 years, only got an invite to the reception, wtf?. Anyway, I decide I'll be the bigger man and go to the party and not mention it. So I rock up to the party running late as usual (this is a tactical ploy :- most people are drunk by now and drunk revelers always want to by you a drink, bonus). I get in and offer my congrats to the bride and groom, see a lot of friendly faces and everythings hugs and kisses. A little while later I'm recieving free pint of lager no.5 and hey this party is looking alright. It's now after 12 o'clock and I'm standing at the bar talking to my buds girlfriend as she orders a bottle of wine for the girls, only for the bartender to tell her that they were out of the normal bottles they had been drinking, but they had 1 large bottle left. She says "I'll need to get more money from my bag" I say "It's O.K. I'll buy this one for the ladies" the bartender says "that'll be £42.75" and as I put my, hey! no problem smile on, my testicles roll down my trouser leg and out the door shouting back at me "It's O.K. you've just been screwed once tonight you probably wont need us again". As I pay up and get the obligatory peck on the cheek from her and the "you daft wanker" look from the barman I realise my testicles are right , cause every girl at that table who will be drinking said wine has a boyfriend/husband. F*********k. "Hey Alex, d'ya want another pint", came a friendly voice. "No, I want a double f***ing whisky" came my reply. After that we see the bride and groom off and the party moves to one of my friends pads. It was a plush little abode filled with about 25 of my most drunk friends and friends of friends.I should probably mention here that there is a shed in the back garden. Why the f**k are you talking about a shed I hear you ask. It's because this is a special shed , for smoking . It's also kitted out with chair, sofa, heater and P.C. for playing tunes (and porn I have been told from reliable sources). Ever seen a dozen people crammed into a smoke filled shed ? I have,-------- several times. Don't get me wrong I'm not a big "smoker" in fact thats the first time in years (but I swear I never inhaled mom ). Anyways, the party went on in a haze until about 5.30am and I'm sure I said to several people I was working at 10am in the hope they'd be sensible and send me home. NEVER HAPPEN. Got to bed about 6am and managed to set the alarm for 9.30am. Not bad huh. BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!. Stagger, Shower , brush teeth/Spew (that brings back memories) look in mirror. WHOAAA! I didn't know eyes could be that blood shot, isn't their supposed to be some white in there. Get dressed, call taxi. Not bad' I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late. Wait a minute where are the shops keys? .???????? I left them in my jacket. where's my jacket? .??????????? It's in my car.where's my f***ing car .??????? I took it to the reception last night. F*************k. Hello, Mr taxi driver would you please take me on a 10 mile trip to my car then take me to work cause I still cant drive it as I'm barely able to talk. Sure no problem Alex that'll be £26 thank you. Yep I'm gonna be very late for work, but it's no problem the boss only ever appears before 11.30am once in a blue moon. And as the taxi rounds the corner to the shop. Well smack my ass! I guess the moon must be bluer than a hidden porn stash (On a P.C, In a shed). He's here, and he's brought the van. WHY IS THE VAN HERE?. We never use the van on saturdays unless their is a delivery and there were no deliveries sheduled for today. I am getting a bad feeling are you, guess who drives the van?. That's right ME. As I exit the taxi and head for the shop I get about 5 feet from the door and Willie the traffic warden pops out from behind the van. "you better move the van before you get a ticket" he says, "O.k. Willie give us a minute" I grumble and go inside.I get to the office door, it's locked. "Hey! you gotta move the van before you get booked" I shout through the door, "You move it" came the reply. Me-"I' can't". Boss- "What do you mean you can't" Me - "I' mean I can't". Boss -"What do you mean" Me -(starting to get pissed at talking to the door)"open the f***ing door will ya". He opens the door and sees exactly why. "Jesus! look at the state of you" rang in my ears with angry harmonics. Now theres a long pause as I take of my jacket and start fumbling in the fileing cabinet for some reason and he sits at his desk. "You really have to move the van before you get a fine" I said, and with that he launched into a tirade about me coming to work in such a state, this lasted a couple of minutes during which the red mist was decending over my already bloodshot eyes. Yep, thats enough, my turn, I slammed the cabinet door shut which stopped him in his tracks. I let him have it with the volume kranked. It only lasted about thirty seconds, reminding him that I ran the damn place when he wasn't there which was about 70% of the time and the amount of times he'd come in still wrecked from the night before. I finished with "screw this, I'm going home" and strode out of the office. I was getting close to the front door as I heard him shout "I was only joking with you, don't take it so seriously" trying to backtrack. My reply was short but oh so sweet "na boss, stick it". And with that I was out the door and face to face with Willie. He motioned to speak but I cut him short." just book him" I said and made my way home.
So thats the main part of my story but, I did say that this happened about 2 weeks ago.
I'll try to fill you in up to now quickly.Since then I've had a serious infection in my jaw which started during a bank holiday here which means treatment was virtually non existant until it was so bad they could only give me anti-biotics to reduce the swelling infection. Now the swellings down the they won't fix the problem, they told me to re-register with a dentist. Cost = £50 (thats a deposit for work to be done). Thank F**k for strong painkillers.
I also thought I was doing a good deed by offering to sell my old car to a young family member who just passed his test. Spent £185 to fix it up and even put him on my insurance for a month and told him to use the car for a couple of weeks to see how he liked it. I offered it to him at a big discount to what it was worth.This was about the same time as the party and he's been sayin yeah! I love it, I'm gonna take it.Spoke to his mom today, she says he doesn't want it. WTF?

This Is My Main Gripe

2 weeks ago New Guitar + Gear Fund £600

Now New Guitar + Gear Fund £265 and Falling

F******************************************************k

So what do ya think u.g.ers
am I to be comiserated with or flamed.


=/=

Quote by Dog454
Basically:

Goes to Wedding Party disgruntled, attempts to get pussy by buying overpriced wine, fails at doing so. Goes out back to shed where there is lots of reefer. Gets high, takes a Taxi to work, meter maid says "move yo ****". Our friend is too high, so he tells the boss to, then leaves, "****" is still there, tells meter maid to give the boss a ticket. Goes home, gets jaw infection, types up wall of text on UG, end.


Wowzerz.
Quote by FireandFlames
Your weak mind just cannot comprehend the intense level of awesome that Pokemon is at.
#37
I actually read through all that.

Anyone else?
I actually do have schizophrenia, so stop making fun of people who have it.

GEAR:
Boss ME-50
Silvertone Paul Stanley Apocalypse (modded)
Squier Affinity Strat (modded)
Italia Modulo 2
Fender Front 15G
#38
So...you're not still working for him I assume?

That's pretty funny though, especially at how easily it all could have been avoided. You'll be happy to know I feel better about myself after having laughed at your misfortunes.
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