#1
Yeah, for English class we have to write three sonnets describing our past, present, and future selves. I've finished one, and i have to say it was extremely hard, it took me an hour and a half, simply because of the strict structure. So before I turn it in to my English teacher, I thought that I might let the extremely literate and sharp-minded dwellers of the Pit to correct and criticise my past-self sonnet. In case you don't know, each line must have ten syllables, each stanza must have it's own image, and the rhyming format is ABAB CDCD EFEF

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A young boy darts across the wide green plain
As his laughter clings to him with strained hold
And sprinkler heads spray artificial rain
Which lightheartedly blends with summer’s gold.

The turf beneath him dances with his steps,
Happy to join in the childlike contest
And the trail leaves rows of tell-tale trail-cups
That gently collect drops deep in their breasts.

Roasting hot dogs lure the child from his game
As the aroma summons him forward
And like fireflies to a beck’ning flame
Friends follow, their voices slowly lowered.

In the heat of carefree exuberance,
The innocence of children seems endless.
_b l/ink youreyes /1 for yes 2 fo_r n o
Last edited by TOcheesehead at May 29, 2008,
#3
personally, i believe restrictions on way one should express oneself is downright ignorant.

edit: i'm certainly not trying to knock anybody who does like working within restrictions, it just really isn't my kind of thing.

it doesn't seem you really 'felt' that piece, but it works i suppose. :P
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Last edited by DiveRightIn63 at May 29, 2008,
#4
english sonnet eh?


not much of an italian sonnet fan?


it was alright. im sure its perfectly fine for your english class.
#6
the second and the sixth lines seem off to me. maybe its just the word childlike. its pretty well done, rhythm-wise.
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I have no opinion on this matter.
#7
Quote by ThePeacefrog
Shouldn't this be songwritin and lyrics?
YES!

But TS, please read the rules at the top of the S&L forum before posting there!


Quote by DiveRightIn63
personally, i believe restrictions on way one should express oneself is downright ignorant.

it doesn't seem you really 'felt' that piece, but it works i suppose. :P
meh, we put restrictions on many methods of artistic expression to fit within style or form.
it's neither bad nor good. just one way of approaching art.

and it's certainly not ignorant.
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#9
Quote by DiveRightIn63
personally, i believe restrictions on way one should express oneself is downright ignorant.




some people like to use certain restrictions to show off their talents. when restrictions make it harder to write a poem, some poets like to show off by composing a really good poem following those restrictions.

no one says you have to follow them, but he is taking an english class, and i assume they are discussing sonnets right now. to me it makes sense that they want him to write a sonnet when he is learning about them.
#12
Quote by HaKattack
It's a partial rhyme.


The partialest of partials.
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#13
S&L forum m'dear .
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#14
There's too much half rhyme in there for a sonnet, and you haven't used the right meter.
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#16
Quote by DiveRightIn63
personally, i believe restrictions on way one should express oneself is downright ignorant.

edit: i'm certainly not trying to knock anybody who does like working within restrictions, it just really isn't my kind of thing.

it doesn't seem you really 'felt' that piece, but it works i suppose. :P

It's not a restriction. It's a form.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#17
btw, TS, you might want to polish that a bit, then enter it in a competition.
feel free to sign up. just declare that you're in, on this thread: Sonnet Comp Sign-Ups
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Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.