#1
alright, been a while since i posted on this forum, but here goes another song.
for a change, think... jonas brothers or *gasp* busted.

please note that i wrote this on a bus on the way home, so expect stupid lyric arrangement.


cookie cutter girl
----------------------------------
please don't think,
that you're something special,
that i'd come cryin back,
about the times that we once had.

don't you believe,
that you're some god given angel.
you might be in other's eyes,
but baby no, not mine.


(chorus)
you're
not my one in a million,
you have the same blue eyes,
and the same old lies.

you're
really not that brilliant,
you are nothing in this world,
just a cookie cutter girl.

-------------
stuff i haven't thought of yet
-------------

chorus


go on just go,
i'll find somebody else,
that's just the same as you.
i'm so damn glad,
cause i really don't remember,
whatever things you said.

chorus

----------------------------------------

end.

as usual, C4C.
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
#2
I thought this was pretty good. A couple points, though:

1) The first two stanzas have different meters. It's difficult to get the flow of it, since I only have those two to compare it with for now. Perhaps you could hammer in a meter later. It's good to be as strict as possible with the first stanza, so we know when other stanzas make small accommodations.

2) I thought "but baby, no, not mine" and "go on just go" were cluttered up by the need for audible paraphrasing and punctuation. In other words, to sing it, you'd need to make clear the stops in the sentence, and it seems kinda rough.

3) The last stanza confused me. So, does he actually like this woman? It said "just the same as you". So, would he be happy with someone the same as this lackluster woman? Good if it's about denial, but I don't know if the rest fits with it.

Still a good song. If you cut out mistakes, what's left is perfection, so don't feel like it's a failure. It's an excellent piece.

Also, if you could crit the one in my sig...