#1
hey guys i wrote this one this morning inn about 5 min, so theres bound to be a zillion mistakes. but yea check it out all comments are welcome. c4c of course. oh and if you were wondering, its a love ballad mostly piano drivin, kind of tryin to get away from my usual rock, metal drivin lyrics


Close your eyes ill take you there
Back to the place where life is fair
No lies, or hate, only peace
A place with power and golden streets

If I took you there
Would you bring me too
Even all the trouble I’ve ever put you through
And in the end all I ever wanted was……

Chorus
TO set aside our difference
And love in coexistence
But I don’t even know if your there
Pick the pieces up again
Know that I’ll always be your friend
Even though I wanted more…(more)

You’re so real to me
But why do they stop believing
Do they run from your stare?
And no one seems to care

But now there’s a crack in your stare
The persons the same but doesn’t care
Maybe it was always there
But I was blind as you can see

Chorus
To set aside our differences
And love in coexistence
But I don’t even know if your there
Pick the pieces up again
Know that I’ll always be your friend
Even if I wanted more….

I just wanted to be sure…..
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
Last edited by folotheendisher at Jun 2, 2008,
#2
it was pretty good, but id work on it a little, amke it more interseting, it kind of sounds like ti reapeats itself a little bit, but other than that good
#3
Excellent job. The image is clear: imperfection in personalities have ruined a relationship. You start the first stanza saying "back to the place where life is fair", but later lines confirm that it's not a rant against the world, but against yourself. Stellar job, dude. Stellar.

PS: Please crit "Lonely Girl" in my sig.
Last edited by Ninjamonkey767 at May 29, 2008,
#4
thx guys
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
#5
any other changes i should make?
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
#7
I liked this a lot. There weren't a zillion mistakes but there were a couple. First of all, there were a few rhymes that seemed forced, but its kinda hard not to with your AABB rhyme scheme. I would suggest loosening that up a bit. Also, the flow of the stanza after the first chorus was terrible. But maybe its just me. But other than that it was a very good song. Although i hate the style, it was a very good song. Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=873649 thx. nice job. keep up the good work.