#1
hey guys, im new to this forum (really new) but ive been lurking around :p

please help me improve these lyrics of mine, its at a medium paced speed.

---------------------------------------

Never got a chance to get to know you,
Never got the chance to even hold youuu,
Everything went by so fast,
probably too good to even laast.

I dream bout you every niight,
waking up to such a beautiful siight,
poster of you by the wall,
you were such a beautiful dooll im trying to improve this bit

[chorus]
I never knew it,
you never told me,
it was you that i wanted,
you never told me,
i never knew it,
you were there all along,
and now (stop music) you're gone. (begin some sort of riff, just like in Green Day's come along)
[/chorus] (lol)

I feel really lonely,
all empty..and alone,
where are you, (quick change) i need you,
need you by my sideee,


[chorus]
I never knew it,
you never told me,
it was you that i wanted,
you never told me,
i never knew it,
you were there all along,
and now (stop music) you're gone. (begin some sort of riff, just like in Green Day's come along)
[/chorus]

You were there all along but i never noticed you were there all along but i never cared...about you..


Never got a chance to get to know you,
Never got the chance to even hold youuu,
Everything went by so fast,
probably too good to even laast...
and now you're gone....
-------------------------------------------------------


there you go
im going to sleep but ill check this tommorow
#2
Hey there , Welcome to the forum .

First of all i really liked the way you tried to describe your music. Anyway the content is quite cliche . It can be a gr8 song to perform but lyrically nothing new . Anyway read the tips thread it will help you alot.

Some good things
The flow was nice . Change of rhyme scheme was really thoughtful

keep posting and I keep reading them even if I don't critique them . If u really want to fix this let me know

Hi
#3
Quote by abhishek21
Hey there , Welcome to the forum .

First of all i really liked the way you tried to describe your music. Anyway the content is quite cliche . It can be a gr8 song to perform but lyrically nothing new . Anyway read the tips thread it will help you alot.

Some good things
The flow was nice . Change of rhyme scheme was really thoughtful

keep posting and I keep reading them even if I don't critique them . If u really want to fix this let me know




thank you,
and i will
#4
I'm guessing this would be an acoustic-type song? If that's the case, I think it works pretty well, even if it is cliche.
#5
Quote by ttreat31
I'm guessing this would be an acoustic-type song? If that's the case, I think it works pretty well, even if it is cliche.


yeah its going to be acoustic, well..thats the plan at least..

haha

but im just not sure, im an amateur guitarist, and my voice is still a bit croaky (puberty :p) so ill be learning this song and making other songs and in a few years it'll all work out haha