#1
Hey guys, this is a new song I've been working on - written almost all of the music now, just finishing off the lyrics. Done everything but the chorus (which I've half-written) and possibly a bridge. I wrote the music first, so it *does* flow right!

Let me know what you think! Leave a link and I'll see yours.

P.S. - Sorry for the incorrect post last time!

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Jape Scrapes

Verse one:
I am hungry for
For the taste of chalk
For that momentary bittersweet
I get from tasting you.

You arrive at last
To start the dizzy dance
Where we’re spinning free and our fingers are crossed...

Pre-chorus one:
...That the sun never rises again
And this transient twilight won’t end
So we can rest at the peak of the heights we’ve ascended
And never be forced to descend.

Verse two:
When it’s time to leave
I’ll be grinding teeth
But the smile carved into my face
Will take its time to heal

This reverie
Is escaping me
I need smoke to fill my lungs again...

Pre-chorus two:
...So the pavement won’t splinter my ribs
When my grip on the heavens has slipped.
But I will scale every flight in the hopes of restoring
The vertigo that you create.

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Thanks!
#3
The only advice that I could give u would be to maybe put what it all means at the end cuz i couldnt really see a point to it. I'm sure you made it flow some how with the music but for just reading the syllable count is way out of whack and it makes the ideas less clear and more scatterbrained for the reader
#4
Thanks man, yeah I can explain it if people would like me to?

I know whatcha mean, but it does fit with the rhythm of the vocals, it's just quite syncopated. When I've recorded a demo of it, I'll post a link so people can read/listen and see how it fits.
#6
Hehe thanks man, appreciate it, and methinks someone figured it out hehe.

Will see yours now.
Last edited by el_jimbo at May 30, 2008,