#1
I wrote another song. Tell me anything i should improve. I tried this to a good rythym.

PERFECT FACTION

I'm Not perfect and i never will be
so don't tell me to be anybody else
cuz' i won't do what you tell me to
I'm not your slave SO find someone else
to do your dirty work for you
cuz' i won't do what you tell me to
i won't do what you want me to do
cuz i won't do what you tell me to
I don't listen
i don't do as i'm told
i don't care what they say about me
cuz' i'm the low-life no one sees
it's like i'm not there at all
Cuz i'm the low-life no one sees
Trapped in a room with a window and a door
singing punk rock songs and strumming a guitar
cuz i'm the guy who walks alone
i play my guitar to my own tune
Cuz i won't do what you tell me to
I won't do what you want me to do
Cuz i'm the low-life no one sees
it's like i'm not there at all
Cuz i'm the guy who walks alone
i play my guitar to my own tune
I'm not a member of the perfect faction
it's a life for someone else to follow
Cuz i won't be like everybody else
I'm a difference in the world
Cuz i won't be like everybody else
singing hip-hop songs
and wearing trashy clothes
dong everything that they're told to
i won't be a member of the
perfect faction of mankind
again i won't be a member of the
perfect faction of mankind
#4
excuse me but uh...what??

In completely unbiased terms, the song lacks structure and rhyme, which are, y'know, fundamental to a lot of songs...But to let my human side shine through, you should probably work on it. It sounds very immature to just shout that you don't do things people tell you to over and over.
DOWN&OUT
#6
Why do you want our opinion? I mean, you obviously don't do what you're told.
And clenching your fist for the ones like us
Who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
You fixed yourself, you said, "Well, never mind,
We are ugly, but we have the music."
#8
Quote by Jett Diamond
excuse me but uh...what??

In completely unbiased terms, the song lacks structure and rhyme, which are, y'know, fundamental to a lot of songs...But to let my human side shine through, you should probably work on it. It sounds very immature to just shout that you don't do things people tell you to over and over.


He's too p0nx to follow society's stranglehold on song structure with methods like rhyme... or verses... or choruses...
#12
Not rhyming is a crime
but crime is just fine
because you're true p0nx
with your nike dunks

You've got your hair in liberty spikes
your ride around on bikes
you throw moltov cocktails
you get out on jail bails

you drink lots of forties
you bang lots of shorties
your studs are so cool
you walk around like there's no rules

because you're true p0nx
with your nike dunks

Now that's a true p0nx song.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old
And oh my god I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
#13
Quote by StreetLight3989
Not rhyming is a crime
but crime is just fine
because you're true p0nx
with your nike dunks

You've got your hair in liberty spikes
your ride around on bikes
you throw moltov cocktails
you get out on jail bails

you drink lots of forties
you bang lots of shorties
your studs are so cool
you walk around like there's no rules

because you're true p0nx
with your nike dunks

Now that's a true p0nx song.

Hey, is that a Casualties song?!
#14
Quote by guitarheroII
okay someone start me off with a chorus



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spend mommy's money and act real mean
punx til we die or turn 18!
Minister of n00b harassing of the Punk and Ska fourm.
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