#1
Seems like I've been writing more pop-punk kinda songs as of late. This is the latest that I've come up with. Not my best work but I'd appreciate any constructive criticism and will do my best to return the favor!


That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
It blew up…

I saw it all
I saw it all go down that day
Dad walked out the door
And Mom went her own way
I'm so glad that I don't live there anymore
Painful memories and shattered glass on the floor
Graffiti on the outside by all the kids like me
Lost sons and daughters of stupid divorcees

That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
It blew up…

The court said "decide with which side you wanna be"
I couldn't make up my mind
Now I'm hanging from the ceiling of this
Broken home, broken windows
Everything's falling apart
But what hurts the most is my broken heart

That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
It blew up…

We lost it all that day
I don't know what to say
But I love them both anyway
We lost it all that day
I don't know what to say
But I love them both anyway

That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
That wrecking ball
It came upon
My old house where I grew up
It blew up…

That wrecking ball
That wrecking ball
Came upon my old house where I grew up
It blew up…
It blew up…
Last edited by Mlnwd at May 30, 2008,
#2
Honestly, I don't write lyrics much so I don't have much experience in what's good and not good and this is definitely the latter.
Criticisms...
I really dig lyrics that can be interpreted differently, and a lot of the time the word "I" really ruins the possibility for deeper meaning. And throughout this it can only been interpreted one way. Like "the court said decide which side you wanna be".... this is basically a teenage diary entry.

And "this is really ****ing gay" lyric is just dreadful. I know you wanted to rhyme but come on. I assume you're still pretty young and definitely keep writing cause once you get out of the angst years you'll be able to see and correct previous writings. Practise makes perfect.

Definitely not making fun of you by the way. I definitely encourage you to keep writing but I didn't like this piece. Good luck
#3
"We lost it all that day
This is really ****ing gay
But I love them both anyway"

LOL. sorry, but the second line really needs to be changed. it came out of the blue and thus was sort of funny upon first reading, but it REALLY doesnt fit the rest of the song, for one.... otherwise its not really the correct use of the word. maybe it seems as though it is because of today's lazy society, but it really isnt. some people might even find it offensive. well, regardless... it just really doesnt work for your song.

otherwise its ok. the thing id say needs the most work is the way you state things... if youre trying to be completely blunt, then its fine, but that makes for very boring lyrics.
#5
For what it is, a pop-punk song, it's very good, congratulations! It's not going to be a masterpiece, but I'd still like to hear it with music. Sorry that there's not much more I can say about it. With music it has the chance to be great.

Care to take a look at a piece of mine? Couldn't say much about this, so if I spot your next post I'll say something more useful.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=872386
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!