#1
Rocking chairs fell from a single engine cessna over Manchester.
They were burning before they hit the factory on Lafayette Boulevard.
If no one is around to laugh, why tell a joke?
Julie always asked me that.
I insisted on placing the lobsters in the pot of cold water first, then slowly raising the heat.
Too bad I don't eat seafood.


Sorry I haven't been returning critiques, very frustrated lately about many things. If I owe you one, just leave me the link. Thanks.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#3
i like it.
My name is Charlie.

Gear
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#4
Come on, don't leave stupid posts.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#6
weellllll, i know a poem was posted here; but this seems like a good place to post my novel at, soooooo....


i'll be back on this dude.
with a crit so terribly intact, so horrifyingly truthful, you'll be "Gone, Baby, Gone."
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#7
Eh, I think I missed the point in this.

It seemed too undefined, for me. There was little concrete that drew me in. I mean, yeah there's some sharpness and wit I've come to expect from you but for me this seemed kind of tame, like you working within yourself. I've kind of felt that in the last few of yours.

I feel you're building up to something better, though, so yeah.

If you wanna return **** for ****, then there's always my top link in my sig.
#9
^^Reported. Thanks for the feedback Jaime, I'll get on your piece today.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#10
i assume i'm not supposed to see any correlation between the lines or the title?
that being the case, nice read.
otherwise, lol wut?
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#11
i didn't like this piece. it was stupid. it was a few seemingly random thoughts that were seemingly unconnected and made you seemingly pretentious. i know you were going for the whole cryptic/obscure thing, it just didn't do it for me. it was one-dimensional.

and why would you use a name if you weren't even going to develop some kind of character?
#12
Whoa, this was anything but random/obscure. It is about something that happened to me personally the other day. When I was writing it, I thought it sounded like Morgan Freeman narrating a sappy movie.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#13
i like it
but it lacks song structure, and the title is way off subject. the song has different sayings. It confuses me
#14
Who said it was a song?
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#15
Nick, now that you've hinted at an explanation i like this less.
perhaps the title could include something to indicate this is narrated by Morgan Freeman.
but the disparate thoughts in the three line pairs are dots too far apart for me to connect.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#16
It's a bit out there, I mean I can draw a bit of correlation between it all, but otherwise it reminds me of a lot of post modern American poetry that I'm very into. All in all, it's alright, I'd like to see more of what you can do though.